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wheredreamslast2013-06-21 11:04 pm
At First Glance [Oneshot]
Characters: Sungmin, Kyuhyun, Henry and Zhou Mi (Main!KyuMin, Side!QMi, Friends!HenMin)
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Romance, Drama
Summary: “I would never fall in love with someone like him.” Sungmin said so sternly.
Word Count: 7,453
Cho Kyuhyun wasn’t famous in his school for his looks, he doesn’t even know if people actually find him good looking. Certainly not for his talents, he can sing alright but he’s too much of an introvert to even try. What he was famous for was his brains and he’d pretty much like to keep it that way.
Kyuhyun has nicely framed glasses covering his deep dark brown eyes. He has almost always messy brown hair that makes his complexion look almost like he’s white. He’s tall and lanky and his cheeks have acne scars all over it but he’s so white they’re almost unnoticeable. To sum it all up, Kyuhyun looked very much like a nerd. Correction, he was a nerd.
Sungmin, on the other hand, wasn’t famous, not like Kyuhyun that is. He was talented, but shy. He wasn’t smart enough to be noticed in his school and he didn’t mind it like that. He loved the small group of close friends he had. He knew almost everyone in their batch despite not being known. It was a good contrast.
Sungmin had nicely toned skin. It wasn’t too pale and it wasn’t too dark either, it was a perfect tan. His eyes were a nice mix of dark brown and black. His hair was always styled differently, depended on his mood. He would never really believe he’s good looking though, not until you force it into the back of his head that he was. Despite the way he thinks of himself, his standards of men were pretty high, which is why he swore he’d never fall for someone like Kyuhyun.
Kyuhyun was almost exactly like Sungmin’s type. He wore glasses. He was tall. He was thin. He was smart. But to Sungmin, Kyuhyun wasn’t good looking enough... In fact, he wasn’t good looking at all for Sungmin. He wasn’t attractive enough and he lacked that charm that would make for a good compensation for his unattractive looks. Sungmin had never been classmates with Kyuhyun to even have a chance to get to know him so he would definitely not fall for his personality. Other than the occasional gossip about Kyuhyun’s love life, that’s all he knew about Kyuhyun.
Frankly, Sungmin just can’t picture anyone falling in love with Kyuhyun. It just seemed so impossible. So when he found out that his not-so-close-friend, Donghae, had finally decided to end things with Kyuhyun before they even began, he knew he was right. No one in their right mind would fall in love with Kyuhyun.
“So you’re telling me YOU’D never fall for Kyuhyun?” His best friend, Henry, had asked him.
“I would never fall in love with someone like him.” Sungmin said so sternly. “Never. Never in a million years. If it was Siwon, maybe I’d reconsider, but Kyuhyun… NEVER!” Sungmin defended.
Siwon was another batch mate of theirs, a classmate of Kyuhyun’s. Siwon was also just like his type. He wore glasses, too just like Kyuhyun. He was smart, and he was tall and muscular. He was definitely good looking and that’s where he differed with Kyuhyun. Sungmin, however, doesn’t like how overrated Siwon’s handsomeness was. So he never really found himself falling for Siwon.
And it wasn’t as if Sungmin hated Kyuhyun. He just never really liked Kyuhyun. Mostly because Kyuhyun was really smart and he envied that part of him plus he wasn’t all that good looking to begin with. But he didn’t really hate him either. He had no reason to hate him. Kyuhyun was a nice guy after all; well he assumed Kyuhyun was nice enough to be likeable.
Although Sungmin knew he wasn’t nearly as intelligent as Kyuhyun, on his third year of high school he found himself mixed with the class of the top section, which meant he’d be classmates with Kyuhyun. He was one of the lucky few who became part of the A class. He knew it’d be hard to live that year with a group of people who haven’t been mixed with his kind in almost two years. So he found Kyuhyun to be the least of his problems, not that he paid him much attention in the first place.
It was only a few days after classes had started. Sungmin was thankful that everyone in class was nice and even more so now that he had Henry as a classmate, too. School was pretty harsh though, getting him to do work early into the week but it’s not like he wasn’t used to it. He barely even had time to notice Kyuhyun because really what was there to notice.
But Fate thought it might be fun to change the way Sungmin thought.
On one random day, just a few days after school started, their Science teacher had assigned them into groups for their reporting to be done next week. Sungmin had prayed for him to be in the same group as Henry but instead found himself in the same group as Kyuhyun. He thought that maybe that wasn’t so bad. It would even be considered his luck because he got the smartest kid as his leader. Smartest classmate was almost always akin to responsible leader.
As Sungmin and the rest of his group mates decided Kyuhyun would be the leader, they left Kyuhyun to pondering what they’d do. Sungmin found himself observing the way Kyuhyun thought of a creative idea to use for their reporting. His fringe was slightly covering his eyes. His face was serious and serene. All of a sudden Sungmin caught himself smiling.
Kyuhyun faced him and addressed him like this wasn’t the first time they’ve been classmates and Sungmin thought that was nice of him to not make him feel awkward. But Sungmin doesn’t know why he found it a bit hard to look at Kyuhyun directly. And to add to his many more queries, his heart was beating at a weird pace.
“Sungmin, is it okay if I give you this part of the report? Just write something up about this part and do your research and try not to copy off Wikipedia.” Kyuhyun said and Sungmin chuckled. Sungmin got closer to read the paper in Kyuhyun’s hand. It was the list of topics given to their groups and Sungmin couldn’t help notice the slightly neat hand writing Kyuhyun had. Something very rare for a guy.
“I-I’m not really sure. Science isn’t my forte. I totally suck at it, actually.” Sungmin denied which wasn’t true because he loved Science. Science was his favorite subject after all and therefore he gave his absolute best whenever the subject was at hand.
“What!? You’re joking. I know you’re good in Science. Come on. It’s easy. I’ll help you, don’t worry. I’m the leader after all.” Kyuhyun reassured him and somehow Sungmin just nodded away.
Kyuhyun then told them they’d have to talk about it to finalize their plans online. Online meetings weren’t uncommon in their class but Sungmin never really liked them because nothing could be accomplished in online meetings. But tonight, Sungmin had a change of heart. Sungmin was the first online amongst his group mates and so, with a somewhat racy heart, he excitedly waited for the chance to chat with Kyuhyun… and their group mates.
Just as Sungmin assumed, the online meeting didn’t hold anything promising for their group but for some weird reason, Sungmin didn’t think it was much of a waste. He doesn’t know what came over him that night but he tried his very best not to continue thinking about it. After all, what was so promising about a meeting where nothing especially helpful happened?
Maybe it’s because you got to chat with Kyuhyun…
Somewhere at the back of his mind, he knew it was saying that but Sungmin was stubborn and words said by the brain didn’t always get through until it occurred for more than once. So Sungmin just pushed this thought further and further until the back of his mind couldn’t get to him anymore. Besides, having a crush right now was not something he needed, especially on the one person he swore he’d never like.
For reasons beyond Sungmin, when he wasn’t doing anything in particular he began observing the classroom environment he was in, more particularly Kyuhyun, if you wanted to be specific. He found himself glancing at Kyuhyun’s direction since his seat had a pretty good view of Kyuhyun’s profile. He couldn’t help admiring the somewhat change Kyuhyun had gone through. From being a nerd to being a somewhat cute nerd.
Sungmin wouldn’t like to admit it, but as he observed Kyuhyun, he really couldn’t deny that Kyuhyun was beginning to look good. It was as if some fairy began to take pity of his ugly face and started doing some kind of magic to make him look normal… Okay that was too much exaggeration, even for him.
As he stared at him now, he guessed that maybe he was beginning to just grow up. After all his little brother had told him that when you grow up you start looking handsomer because your body’s gotten used to your face… or something like that. He was barely listening because it was his little brother speaking. Seriously, he can’t fathom the fact that his little brother was right and that he might be smarter than him.
“You know if you keep staring at Kyuhyun, he’ll melt.” Henry whispered, making sure enough that none of the people around them could hear. Sungmin was so surprised that he managed to throw everything of his desk to the floor.
“What? What are you talking about? I-I wasn’t s-staring!” Sungmin replied a little louder but not loud enough to attract attention. He bent down to pick up his things and tugged on Henry’s pants to signal him to help him.
“Don’t look now but Kyuhyun’s looking at you.” Henry whispered as he started piling things in Sungmin’s arm. Sungmin, not bothering to care about the warning, began to lift his head a little and slowly, ever so slowly, he saw that Kyuhyun was looking at them with a small smile. Sungmin doesn’t know how but he just knew he was blushing. Crap! He thought as he quickly ducked his head and started piling more papers into his arm in a quicker pace.
“I told you not to look.” Henry smirked which earned him a very painful slap on the chest which caused him to bend over and cry in agony. Sungmin just ignored him like it wasn’t his fault or anything with that smug look on his face saying you did this to yourself.
Sungmin turned his glance away from his agonizing best friend and accidentally laid eyes to a giggling Kyuhyun who he was pretty sure was giggling at them. And with that realization he quickly looked away. But if he had continued to look he would’ve been able to see a smile that might’ve just taken his breath away.
Sungmin tossed and turned in his bed that night. He had been daydreaming about Kyuhyun the past few weeks and it had been very hard to concentrate on his classes. The weird thing was that he still denied that he still had feelings for Kyuhyun. He didn’t want to acknowledge them because if he did, he knew, he just knew, for a fact that it would just cause him so much trouble.
Sungmin sighed. There really was no more point in denying it. Not when he’s going to be sleepless like this. Because when you’re having sleepless nights just thinking about a boy then it’s pretty clear. After all, this wasn’t the first one.
He was definitely going to strangle Henry tomorrow. If he hadn’t teased him at all every single day during class this wouldn’t have gotten out of hand. He wouldn’t have started to have sleepless nights.
“Then again, even if Henry didn’t start teasing, I might’ve still gotten to this point. Just at a slower rate.” Sungmin admitted as he buried his face in his pillow. Yes, definitely at a slower rate. It was only a few weeks since school started. He can’t believe he could fall this quickly. If Henry hadn’t teased this whole not denying it anymore could have taken longer to come. He wished it did
“I seriously don’t want to admit it but…” he sighed. He turned his head to allow him more air. “But I like Kyuhyun.”
He buried his head in his pillow again and he seriously regretted saying it. Almost as soon as he said it, he could imagine Henry saying “See was that so hard?” and that wasn’t a good sight. But he did find it easier to sleep afterwards.
Tomorrow, he’d tell Henry… and hopefully no one, no one but his best friend will know…
But Destiny always had a thing for drama.
Sungmin was pretty sure he only told Henry. Sungmin was pretty sure that he threatened Henry so badly he would be afraid to spread a single word.
But now, as he’s talking to Kyuhyun for something school related, he can’t help noticing the weird smiles and looks some of their classmates were giving him, or them. He didn’t like it. Not one bit. Okay fine, so he told a few more people other than Henry, but those were reliable people, or at least he knew them to be.
Kyuhyun smiled at him as he directed him to do something and with that smile he started to ignore the world. But then Zhou Mi, Kyuhyun’s seatmate, had cleared his throat and therefore whatever beautiful moment he had with Kyuhyun was lost. He was back again to noticing the smiles, stares and small gossip traveling around. This time though, they weren’t looking at him but at Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi whose hands brushed against each other as they walked together to the canteen. They were so close to each other that Sungmin began to envy them.
“You okay?” Henry asked and Sungmin saw the concerned look in his eyes. Sungmin smiled although he knew that smile was just for show. “Of course I am. Why wouldn’t I be?”
Henry patted Sungmin’s head and Sungmin knew that Henry understood. They never really needed words sometimes.
As they started walking away to the canteen area, a few of their classmates approached them and asked Sungmin if it’s true.
“What’s true?” He eyed them quizzically.
“That you like Kyuhyun!” They said a bit louder than necessary.
“What!? Who told you that?” But before he could finish reacting he noticed that his best friend was slowly making a run for it.
“Excuse me.” He smiled at them then chased after his no-good-best friend shouting the words “You lousy bastard! YOU PROMISED YOU WOULDN’T SAY ANYTHING!!!”
“I guess it’s true.” One of the guys said and they all nodded.
Soon after the whole class had confirmed that Sungmin liked Kyuhyun another rumor had started. It was something about Zhou Mi and Kyuhyun liking each other. And even though Sungmin knew that the chances of this being true were 90/10, he decided he wouldn’t believe it unless he could confirm it from a reliable source.
Still, even if it were to be true he knew he’d just stay back in the sidelines and do nothing. He was always good at that, after all. He’d be happy for them, definitely. But he knew he’d try, even if a little and not totally give up because he liked Kyuhyun.
“I like Kyuhyun.” He smiled. Sometimes saying it at night helped him sleep. He also liked the sound of it when it came out of his mouth. He didn’t sound so afraid anymore.
Before Sungmin fell asleep he wondered if he would actually ever feel more than crush for Kyuhyun. He somehow hated and wanted the idea.
Sungmin doesn’t know why it had begun to hurt so much but it did. Especially now that he knew for sure that Zhou Mi and Kyuhyun were real. How could he not know? He saw it everyday in class. They were practically inseparable.
They were seatmates for a long period of time and even now that they aren’t seatmates they just find ways of being together and Sungmin can feel it in his heart that it’s starting to break, it’s starting to hurt and he can’t take it anymore.
It was hard to see them smile at each other. It hurt so badly at times that the best thing to do was leave the room and rant to Henry. But that wasn’t the only hard thing to do, he knew deep down inside, that as much as it hurt him to see them together, he could never hate them. He could never hate Zhou Mi or Kyuhyun. How could he when those two hadn’t done anything remotely wrong to him? Except maybe hurt his heart, but that wasn’t counted. How could he hate Zhou Mi when he’s being so nice and being like a ball of sunshine every time Sungmin was near? He knew he could never hate Kyuhyun. It was always impossible.
“Man, I’m messed up.” He whispered as he washed his face in the men’s bathroom in school. Then again he’s always been like this.
This wasn’t the first time he fell in love. He was worst during his freshman year. He had tried so hard that year to get the attention of that one person and all that person ever did was ignore him. That’s why this time he wasn’t going to try so hard, he wouldn’t give it his all; especially not now that he knew that Kyuhyun would never really give him the attention he wanted.
He faced himself in the mirror; the school year was almost ending. If it hurts this bad then he knew he should give up. He knew he can’t keep living like this. Living in pain with this crush.
Sungmin laughed bitterly. He didn’t even love the guy and yet it hurt this badly. How messed up can a guy get?
It was a new school year for Sungmin. And he’s surprised to know that he still actually has feelings for Kyuhyun and albeit they’ve gotten stronger he knows they’re not anywhere near love, yet.
“It really is too bad you guys aren’t classmates anymore.” Henry greeted as they walked up to their new room.
“Not really. If anything, I can use this as an opportunity to get over my feelings for him.” Sungmin admitted because although he knew he tried to give up a long time ago and he ended up failing in that, he was sure he couldn’t just give up yet.
“Oh you don’t know?” Henry started as they took the seat they wanted in their new classroom.
“Know what?” Sungmin pretended not to be THAT curious as he fixed his things.
“That they’re on the verge of breaking up.” Henry continued like it was nothing.
“How can they break up when they were never together?” Sungmin pointed out and Henry sighed exasperatedly and face palmed himself.
“You know what I mean! Point is, they’re on a rough road right now and they might not make it!!!” Henry scolded which attracted attention, but not too much.
“So what are you saying? That I shouldn’t give up? That’s just wrong! Taking advantage of the situation might just get me in trouble with Zhou Mi! You know for a fact that we’re somewhat friends.” Sungmin glared at Henry.
“Somewhat friends don’t exactly make you the best of friends you know. Look, I’m your best friend and I want you to be happy. This is your chance and therefore I’m forcing you to grab it! You don’t have to go into his classroom and tell him directly to go out with your or anything. All you have to do is say hi and make him fall in love with you. Simple as that.” Henry got to the final say and the bell rang signaling the start of classes.
All throughout the day Henry’s words had rung in Sungmin’s mind. When he wasn’t so preoccupied with school it would come at him and tempted him to do just as his friend had said.
Even up until now as he lay in bed, the words still haunted him.
All you have to do is make him fall in love with you.
“Sounds so easy.” But then again a lot of things were easier said than done.
Sungmin laughed. Not so bitterly this time. Mostly because of the situation he’s in. He thought about that time when he thought so little of Kyuhyun and now he’s everything he thought about. It’s so incredibly stupid and funny how Destiny or Fate can play games with your life. Sungmin smiled because even if it ended up like this he was quite happy. Because finding love, no matter the pain, will always cause you to pause to relish in that moment of happiness.
That night, as Sungmin pondered over his feelings, he decided he’d give making Kyuhyun fall in love with him a try. After all, he was too young to start living a life full of regrets.
Sungmin smiled as Henry began one of his interesting stories but it didn’t escape his eyes that Kyuhyun was passing by. He noticed the sad look in his eyes and the unusually messier look of his hair. He held Henry’s hand to pause him in his speaking.
“Hi Kyuhyun.” Sungmin smiled and as Kyuhyun returned his smile with a small wave and hello, he saw it in Kyuhyun’s eyes that it brightened to a certain light he’d never really seen before.
“What was that?” Henry said when Kyuhyun was out of the way. He grabbed Sungmin’s arm and pulled him into the noisy classroom where they could talk in whispers and not be heard.
“That’s what I call saying hi.” Sungmin joked as he sat in his seat and Henry sat beside him. Henry gave him a look as if to tell him that he knew there was more to that ‘Hi’ than he say there is.
“Okay, fine. I give up.” Sungmin laughed. “That’s what I call the start of making Kyuhyun fall in love with me… or something… I guess.” Sungmin shrugged. Truthfully, he just wanted to say hi but yeah, he was pretty sure he wanted to say hi because he wanted to gain Kyuhyun’s attention.
“You have that stupid smile on your face that says you’re thinking about Kyuhyun again.” Henry smirked as he nudged Sungmin. Sungmin felt himself blush and he giggled as he tried, and failed, to deny it, because obviously when you stammer while denying something, you’re lying.
“Fine, fine. I was thinking of him. So what!? I like the guy. It’s normal.” Sungmin defended and Henry eyed him accusingly.
“Are you sure you only LIKE him?” Henry stressed the word like to emphasize his point.
“I… Well… No… Not really. I don’t know. I-I don’t just like him but I don’t love him, yet. It just doesn’t feel that strong. Every time I think about the words ‘I love you’ it just doesn’t feel right with him.” Sungmin admitted and Henry pondered over his words.
“Well, you could never really rush love I guess. But hey, tell me when it gets there. I’ll be cheering you on.” Henry smiled as he patted Sungmin’s shoulder.
Sungmin had managed to gain Kyuhyun’s attention with simple smiles, hello and hi. Not too long after that they had started conversing about random things whenever time would permit them. Kyuhyun no longer spent every single day of his life with Zhou Mi so it became easier for Sungmin to enter into Kyuhyun’s life. Soon enough, Sungmin didn’t need to come to Kyuhyun, sometimes Kyuhyun came to Sungmin.
Sungmin smiled as he and Kyuhyun chatted online that night. Kyuhyun was trying to tell him a story about how his day was a bit uneventful. If Sungmin allowed it, he would say Kyuhyun and him were good friends. He liked to think that if he couldn’t have Kyuhyun as a lover, he was lucky enough to have him as a friend.
He doesn’t know how it happened. How they just became this close. It felt weird to think that it started with simple smiles, hellos, his and goodbyes. But it did. It did. And as Sungmin thought about it now he’s not quite sure how’d they gotten to this point. Maybe it was when he just came up to Kyuhyun that one time when he looked like no one could talk to and understand Kyuhyun. It may even be that time when Sungmin got bored, and daring, and decided to just PM Kyuhyun when they were both online.
Sungmin laughed as he typed in his reply to whatever it was Kyuhyun had to say. Needless to say, things had already happened and they’re friends now and that’s all that mattered, he guessed.
But still, even though they’re this close and Sungmin had gotten to know a side of Kyuhyun he was sure others didn’t see, he still hadn’t known what exactly was wrong in the relationship Zhou Mi and Kyuhyun had, whatever status their relationship may have ever achieved.
He never asked because he wanted Kyuhyun to tell him. But now as they’re conversing about one of the most random things they could talk about, he wondered if he’d ever know.
Just as he was making his mind up about things a sudden window appeared. It was Henry who had PMed him to gain his attention. It contained only a few words but it was enough to cause Sungmin’s heart to beat harder inside his chest.
“Are you in love, yet?” Sungmin read aloud. His voice was soft, almost as if afraid that if he spoke in a volume any louder, he’d break.
Sungmin quickly typed an ‘IDK’ and logged off, forgetting the fact that he was actually also chatting with Kyuhyun. He ran to his room and locked it. He hadn’t thought about his own feelings in a while. He’d actually gotten to know Kyuhyun at a certain level and he still wasn’t sure where his feelings were bordering on. He sat on his bed and looked out the window.
“Do I like you or do I love you?” He asked to the night sky visible in his window. He pictured Kyuhyun’s smile which immediately brought a smile to his face.
Just then his phone rang telling him he had a new message.
Are you okay? You signed out so quickly I could barely say goodbye. It’s a bit unlike you. Usually you tell me when you leave.
Sungmin read the text over and over again. Repeating it in his mind like a constant cycle. Kyuhyun had never really texted him. This was the first time they’d texted each other. And as he read the text, he noticed that Kyuhyun might have just made some observations about Sungmin.
Sungmin hugged the phone closely to his beating heart. He held it so close and lay down on his bed with eyes shut.
“I love you.”
He sat straight up. He just...
“Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! I just… I just… Oh my gosh!” He started as he jumped up and down and paced back and forth. “I just said it. Oh my gosh! I’m in love with Cho Kyuhyun!”
He plopped himself on his bed then began texting away. He texted Henry telling him, yes, that he’s in love with Kyuhyun and made sure he was texting the right person and then pressed send. Then he proceeded to texting Kyuhyun and telling him how sorry he was and all.
He fell asleep that night texting Kyuhyun good night as they continued their conversation from their online chat to text messaging. Sungmin couldn’t have asked for anything more.
But God had other things in mind.
The school year was almost ending and Sungmin had found himself even more in love with Kyuhyun than when he began. Kyuhyun had begun to consider Sungmin as one of his closest friends often confiding in him, especially regarding matters of the heart.
And this time was no different.
Kyuhyun had asked to meet him privately just as soon as classes ended. Henry immediately pushed Sungmin towards Kyuhyun, almost as if he knew what was up, and clearly he was wrong, judging by wherever this conversation was going.
“I’ve never really told you the reason why Zhou Mi and I never got together, have I?” Kyuhyun asked as they sat in the corner of an empty hallway.
“Yup, and I never bothered to ask, why?” Sungmin replied with another question.
“Because I need your advice and to be able to help you’d have to know what happened between Zhou Mi and I.” Kyuhyun gulped and Sungmin could sense the nervousness in his eyes. He was definitely sure now that Henry was wrong with his assumptions.
“Zhou Mi’s parents, they don’t like me.” Kyuhyun stated. Sungmin stared at him wide eyed.
“What could they not like about you? You’re a pretty great guy.” Sungmin chuckled and Kyuhyun gave him that look that said you’ve got to be kidding me.
“Well, for starters, I’m not a girl. Actually, that’s the main reason. I’m not a girl. I’m a man who’s in love with their son.” Kyuhyun stated a matter-of-factly.
Sungmin, although he hadn’t meant to, sensed the tense he used in his verbs. Definitely not past. So, he began to wonder if maybe Kyuhyun was still in love with Zhou Mi.
“Zhou Mi, no matter how much he wanted to be with me, couldn’t go against his parents. After all, we’re just kids. What can we know about love and its risks?” Kyuhyun’s tone was bitter and Sungmin had almost wanted to scream that HE would be ready to take that risk. Instead, Sungmin had remained quiet and instinctively held Kyuhyun’s hand. Although he doesn’t quite know why it would be an instinct for him to hold Kyuhyun’s hand since this would be the first time he ever held Kyuhyun’s hand. But for him it just felt like the right thing to do.
Sungmin squeezed his hand almost to reassure him to go on and that he’d still be there for Kyuhyun and Kyuhyun could only smile at him solemnly, failing to hide the pain in his eyes.
“He wants to try again, Sungmin. Zhou Mi wants to try and be together with me again…” Kyuhyun was beginning to tear up and his hold on Sungmin’s hand was tighter. Sungmin could only look at him and worry because he doesn’t know why Kyuhyun is so afraid. “He wants to be with me again and I don’t know what to do.”
Kyuhyun leaned his head back against the wall and covered his eyes with his free arm and let the tears run down his face. Sungmin became so worried that he squeezed Kyuhyun’s hand tighter. He knew he should say something because that was what their whole talk was about but he the only things he could think of saying were his own selfish thoughts.
Sungmin inhaled. He breathed in so deep he was afraid that Kyuhyun would be worried. Sungmin made sure his exhale was soft enough. He closed his eyes and held Kyuhyun’s hand tighter. He took away Kyuhyun’s arm and he maneuvered Kyuhyun’s face so that they could be facing each other. He opened his eyes and stared straight into Kyuhyun’s eyes.
“Kyuhyun, do whatever it is that makes you happy.” Sungmin smiled and he hoped his smile wasn’t so obviously fake, that it looked real enough to Kyuhyun, that it didn’t hide any underlying pain that his voice or eyes may have revealed. “Do what makes you happy.”
The last sentence was a barely above a whisper and he hoped that maybe Kyuhyun didn’t notice that it was that soft because Sungmin was forcing himself to be happy for Kyuhyun.
“If Zhou Mi makes you happy then be with Zhou Mi.” He smiled again and this time the smile wasn’t so forced, wasn’t so pained. This time, his smile was a little more meaningful. “And I promise you that I’ll still be here if you ever, ever need me.”
After their conversation, Sungmin and Kyuhyun barely talked anymore. They were back to being acquaintances who greeted each other in the hallways. They no longer chatted online or texted each other random good nights, good mornings or stories that couldn’t wait to be told in person. Sungmin never approached Kyuhyun because he had a feeling that the reason for this was because Kyuhyun knew.
Then again, Sungmin had always known Kyuhyun knew. It was so obvious back when they were classmates and everyone had teased Sungmin. It was still obvious now but it got easier and easier to ignore because Kyuhyun was his friend and it didn’t seem to bother Kyuhyun.
But Sungmin knew that it wasn’t only Kyuhyun who knew. Zhou Mi knew as well. Of course it was only smart not to have them communicating because Sungmin was a threat to their already messed up relationship. As much as it pained Sungmin to know that Kyuhyun somehow agreed to this set up, he was fine with it, because, even if it was such a short time, he was able to become close to Kyuhyun. To be able to call Kyuhyun a friend was more than enough for Sungmin.
In the course of over a few months, Sungmin found out that he’d never get the chance to reconcile with Kyuhyun because graduation had come. It had come so quickly that Sungmin hadn’t realized he was able to go about his life hurting and being happy for Kyuhyun all the while. He smiled as he realized this was the last time he’d ever feel like this. After this, there’d be no more Kyuhyun, no more Kyuhyun and Zhou Mi. He’d definitely use the break to once again try and get over Kyuhyun. Hopefully this time, he’d be successful.
Sungmin applauded along with the hundreds of people present in the auditorium as their batch’s valedictorian was called up the stage to give his speech. Kyuhyun slowly went up the stage and looked very nervous as he scanned the auditorium but what shocked Sungmin was that as Kyuhyun scanned the faces of their batch, he realized that Kyuhyun was looking for a face and when their eyes locked, he knew Kyuhyun was looking for him. They smiled at each other and it felt like decades since they last did and Sungmin urged Kyuhyun to go on with his speech and so he did.
At that moment, Sungmin knew he had to tell Kyuhyun how he felt. It didn’t matter that Kyuhyun knew, it didn’t matter that Zhou Mi doesn’t like it, what mattered was that Sungmin was doing it for himself. He was, after all, allowed to be selfish, just this once.
Sungmin had hugged almost everyone from his batch, except for a few people he actually didn’t know. He was already crying and yet he still continued to hug other people. It was time to say goodbye to four years of his life and goodbyes always hurt.
Sungmin was just about to cry with Henry and their other friends when he caught sight of Zhou Mi, who was also crying. He didn’t know what came over him but the next thing he knew was that he was calling for Zhou Mi’s attention and they both came to each other motioning for a hug.
The hug was so comforting and although it was tight it felt like an embrace that would warm Sungmin’s soul for the rest of his life. Sungmin didn’t want to let go. But Zhou Mi had whispered something, something so soft it barely even registered to Sungmin that Zhou Mi had said anything.
“I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.” He heard again and Zhou Mi let go. Zhou Mi smiled at Sungmin and Sungmin returned the smile and Zhou Mi walked away as he wiped more tears from his eyes. Sungmin felt his own tears trickling down his face and wiped them too. But he was puzzled as to why Zhou Mi would ever want to apologize to him.
Sungmin walked slowly to where his friends were when once again he caught sight of another person. Kyuhyun, more likely, was smiling at him, walking towards his direction.
“Congratulations.” Sungmin whispered loud enough for Kyuhyun to hear but with all the noise in the auditorium, Sungmin had to wonder if Kyuhyun heard it.
“Thanks.” Kyuhyun smiled as Sungmin quickly wiped the tears.
“Are you going to give me a hug or what?” Kyuhyun playfully said as he outstretched his arms to envelope Sungmin in an embrace and the motions were too quick for Sungmin but he returned the hug nonetheless. He even closed his eyes to bask in the warmth that Kyuhyun’s body offered. They had never hugged in all those times they’d gotten close. This would be the first time and to Sungmin it felt right. He felt at ease and safe. Sungmin’s grip on Kyuhyun tightened and he felt Kyuhyun tighten his hold as well and he wondered if Kyuhyun had the same reasons as he did: to never let go.
It was at that moment that Sungmin decided it was now or never. Sungmin breathed in deep and, “I love you.”
Sungmin felt Kyuhyun’s arm slacken its hold on him but they tightened real quick after, even tighter than before. Sungmin, on the other hand, was already starting to loosen his hold.
“I know you know but it’s different when the words come from my mouth. It’s different when I say it to you.” Sungmin forced himself out of the hug, although he can’t help but wish that it wasn’t just his imagination that Kyuhyun kind of didn’t want to let go of him, yet. Sungmin smiled as he fought back the tears that were once again threatening to fall. He placed his hands on Kyuhyun’s shoulders and held it tightly making sure not to hurt Kyuhyun.
“I just wanted to tell you before I left high school forever.” Sungmin didn’t know when he started crying but if it weren’t for Kyuhyun’s thumbs brushing his tears away he would never have known.
“I-I’m sorry.” Sungmin said as he let go of Kyuhyun’s shoulders. He wiped his own tears and pushed Kyuhyun away from him. He started walking away as his tears began to flow uncontrollably. He paused midway when he realized something.
“Goodbye, Kyuhyun.” Sungmin said as he turned a fraction and smiled in Kyuhyun’s direction, not bothering to wipe the tears that made trails down his eyes. He knew that his goodbye held so much more than most goodbyes. He knew that this goodbye meant he’d start to forget Kyuhyun, that he’d said goodbye to not only the person but also the feelings. This goodbye had meant that he would never have the intention of meeting Kyuhyun ever again in his life.
Sungmin knew he was far from Kyuhyun’s reach. Sungmin knew he was so close to his group of friends that it was impossible for Kyuhyun to even make a reply. So, what shocked Sungmin was when he was pulled of to a secluded area in the auditorium where no one could see them by Kyuhyun. Sungmin was currently enveloped in Kyuhyun’s thin but strong arms once again. They felt shaky and nervous but Sungmin felt safe in them anyways and once again he basked himself in the wonderful feeling of it.
“Sungmin, don’t say goodbye. Don’t EVER say goodbye. I could take the walking away but please don’t say goodbye like that.” Kyuhyun tightened his grip and Sungmin knew that Kyuhyun was fighting back his own tears as Kyuhyun’s voice broke when he spoke.
“Like what?” Sungmin asked pretending to be innocent.
“Like you don’t ever want to see me again.” Kyuhyun’s voice was so soft that it broke Sungmin’s heart. It sounded so broken and vulnerable that it made Sungmin wonder what this could possibly mean.
Sungmin slightly pushed Kyuhyun away so they could face each other. Sungmin’s hands were on Kyuhyun’s chest and Kyuhyun’s were on his waist. Kyuhyun’s face was fresh with tears and Sungmin couldn’t help but feel his own tears threatening to fall once again.
“Why shouldn’t I?” Sungmin dared to ask because honestly he didn’t want to make assumptions anymore, he wanted to know, and he wanted to be told.
“Why shouldn’t I, Kyu?” Sungmin repeated his voice a little more stern and strong despite his tears falling.
“Because I’m in love with you. I have been since I can’t remember when exactly, but I have been for the longest time now.” Kyuhyun admitted as he began to pull Sungmin closer to him. “You’re practically one of the reasons why I couldn’t be together with Zhou Mi anymore.”
Sungmin was more than surprised. Kyuhyun had been in love with him, for the longest time if he might add. “Then why? Why go through all that trouble of making up with Zhou Mi? Or ever getting together with Zhou Mi in the first place.”
“I got together with Zhou Mi because I didn’t want to assume what your feelings were for me. Sure our classmates talked about it but you never said anything. And I took the trouble of making up with Zhou Mi because when I asked you, you didn’t hold me back, it was like you were pushing me towards Zhou Mi and I assumed that maybe whatever our classmates said was just made up, that you didn’t have feelings for me.” Kyuhyun smiled solemnly as he cradled Sungmin’s face with his hands. “You have no idea how long I’ve waited to hear those words from you.”
“But you and Zhou Mi?” Sungmin asked because he couldn’t believe what was happening to him right now. Honestly, who would?
“We broke it off weeks ago. He knew that I was in love with you and that it killed me more not to be able to be your friend than actually be with him.” Kyuhyun chuckled.
“So does that mean? You and I? You’re in love with me?” Sungmin asked as his thoughts began to pile up one another.
“Yes Sungmin, I’m in love with you.” And as if to prove himself, Kyuhyun had kissed him fully on the lips. Sungmin hadn’t known if he was dreaming or what but he did know that if Kyuhyun was kissing him, he should kiss back. And so he did.
Sungmin turned in his bed one night and faced the sleeping Kyuhyun. Kyuhyun looked peaceful in his sleep. Sungmin placed a small kiss on Kyuhyun’s forehead as Kyuhyun’s arms instinctively placed itself around Sungmin’s waist. Sungmin could only smile at the act and let himself be pushed closer to Kyuhyun’s chest.
Sometimes when Sungmin can’t sleep at night, he’d relive those moments in high school filled with pain, laughter and love. This night was no different. It was 5 in the morning on a Christmas day and, although they had spent the rest of the day being busy preparing for Christmas Eve and their midnight tradition, he just couldn’t sleep.
Sungmin still can’t get over the fact that this man in front of him had actually gotten him to fall in love with him when Sungmin himself had promised he would never do it. But as Sungmin looked at Kyuhyun’s angelic face, he couldn’t hide the small fact that Kyuhyun had become good looking over the years, even more so now that they were older.
Sungmin caressed Kyuhyun’s cheek and giggled lightly. Fate and Destiny, and maybe even God, had been three very sneaky people in Sungmin’s life but he’d always thank them because if it weren’t for them there’d be no Kyuhyun by his side right now.
From then on Sungmin had learned never to make promises he could never keep or assume things with small basis or believe what other people say. But most of all, Sungmin learned never to judge how a person could affect your life. He had regarded of Kyuhyun so lightly before and now Kyuhyun was practically his life. Yes, Fate, Destiny and even God were just one heck of a trio. But he couldn’t imagine life without them or if they hadn’t meddled in it in the first place.
A/N: This is 16 pages long :))))
IMPT!!!: This is based on a true story okay. PARTS of this fic DID happen in real life and details may have just been altered so they don’t seem that real. Anyways…so you can’t tell me I stole this plot because it’s mine! :)) If we’re close enough I might even tell you what parts happened and didn’t happen ^^