Behind The Scenes 2/2 [Oneshot]

[darkyulate]

one

The dreaded moment happened on the Friday of that week. Baekhyun had smirked at him as he told Kyungsoo that his schedule was more than welcome to accommodate dinners of any kind for the following days to come. Feeling a slight heaviness in his stomach, Kyungsoo had called Suho and scheduled the meet up on the nearest day possible. Better soon than later, Kyungsoo had thought at the time. But now, as he fiddled with his fingers and waited for Kai to start the car, he wasn't quite sure if sooner was better than later. Kyungsoo bit his bottom lip, and felt his right leg fidget. When the car roared to life, he felt his heart leap out of his chest in anxiety. All he could think about was that he couldn't do it and this was a mistake. But then there was a hand on top of his fidgeting ones and when he followed the length of the arm to see whose body it was attached to, he found Kai's comforting smile directed at him, warm hands grasping his and thumb circling the back of his hand lightly. "It's gonna be okay," Kai said as he started to drive, slowly taking his hand away. "I'll be right beside you so don't worry." The rush of comfort those words brought was surreal and yet, Kyungsoo couldn't deny that the thought of having Kai by his side at such a crucial moment meant so much to him. A laugh escaped his lips and the younger's face contorted to one of confusion, his gaze strictly on the road. "What's so funny?" Kai asked slightly amused. "Just," Kyungsoo hesitated for a moment not sure if he should say or if he could even explain it right. "I used to really hate you when we started shooting together but now," Kyungsoo gestured as if to emphasize. "Now, you've become someone of importance to me. Almost like my best friend." Kai laughed; the sound still so beautiful to Kyungsoo's ears even though he's heard it a dozen times. "Best friends, huh? I've never really had a best friend before but," Kai paused and stopped the car as the red light ahead shone. He turned to Kyungsoo and smiled. "I'm glad it's you." Kyungsoo felt his face heat up but even then, he was able to look up at Kai and smile; matching the smile he was receiving with one of his own, hoping it made Kai feel the same. Somehow, the smile Kai directed his way seemed almost unique, a smile Kyungsoo had only seen and the thought that maybe it was Kai's smile for him made his heart rate triple. Kyungsoo chuckled lightly not understanding this feeling and tried to push them out or ignore them to the best of his abilities. He was just flustered because Kai's words touched him. Yes, it's just that. They arrived soon enough to a casual restaurant that didn't really require them to dress up. When they reached the venue, a waiter had ushered them to a table where Suho and his 'lover' were already supposed to be. "Where are they?" Kai asked, looking at the two empty seats in front of them. Kyungsoo gulped. A sinking feeling in his gut told him he knew where the 'couple' could be. True enough, as if to prove his suspicions, Suho and his 'lover' appeared, looking disheveled. Suho had the decency to look embarrassed as he tried to make himself look proper, fixing his hair and straightening out his pastel blue polo. From where Kyungsoo sat, he could see a red mark blossoming somewhere down on Suho's neck, barely concealed because his hyung had yet to close the first two buttons of his polo. Kyungsoo gulped as they sat down and kept his gaze on the menu. He didn't want to look at the other person knowing he'd be in the same state. "Hi," Suho's 'lover' began. He was probably aiming it at Kai because he felt Kai bristle at the attention. "Hello," Kai greeted, polite smile on his face as he bowed lightly. "I'm Kai. I'm a friend of Kyungsoo's." "Nice to meet you, Kai," Suho began. "I'm Suho and this is my duet partner, Chen." Kyungsoo took a peek at Chen's reaction when Suho introduced him and was surprised to see the smile on his face never faltered, not even one bit. "Oh!" Kai exclaimed. "You guys are Thunderstorm." Chen laughed, the sound slowly making Kyungsoo's world crumble. "Yup, that's us." Luckily for Kyungsoo, before an awkward air could come, the waiter had arrived and asked for their orders. When the waiter left, he felt Kai's hand slowly make its way to his and tangled their fingers together, squeezing his hand and effectively comforting Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo took a deep breath. There was only two ways to survive this dinner. He could either keep quiet and take in everything negatively or allow the hand in his to comfort him throughout the whole ordeal and to make him at least enjoy the night. The answer was clear. He smiled and squeezed back the hand holding his, to convey to Kai that he was fine. Kai turned to him, smiled and nodded. He was going to make it through this dinner. With one deep breath, Kyungsoo faced forward and was just in time to see Suho looking at him. "So Kyungsoo, how's your shooting coming along?" Suho asked, smiling up at Kyungsoo and making his heart race. Kyungsoo opened his mouth and when he was sure no words would come out, Kai squeezed his hand once more and the words just flowed naturally after that. And as Suho talked with that smile that took Kyungsoo's breath away, the more he loosened his hold on Kai's hand. By the time their food had arrived, he hadn't realized that he'd already let go of Kai's hand and had almost forgotten that he had brought someone with him to this dinner. Suho took most of his attention with the way he told his stories and waited for Kyungsoo to comment and Kyungsoo did the same when prompted. He had also forgotten that Suho's duet partner was with him because not once did Suho mention him or did Chen bother to speak at all. Everything was going alright until they'd all finished their meal and Kai had cleared his throat quite loudly. It felt like Kyungsoo was being pulled back to reality and when he looked around, he saw that Chen had his head down, staring at his empty plate. Suho turned his attention to Kai who cleared his throat and Kai was looking at Chen with a stoic expression. And it dawned on Kyungsoo that Suho wasn't alone, that he wasn't alone either. "Chen-ssi," Kai began and Chen looked up slightly baffled at being addressed before smiling brightly up the younger. "Yes?" "Would you like to take a walk with me?" Kai asked, signature smile on his face and it made Kyungsoo's stomach churn. Chen opened his mouth to speak but no words came out and Kai laughed and turned to Suho and Kyungsoo. "Well, if you don't mind, I'll be kidnapping Chen-ssi for a while." Kai stood up and grabbed a baffled Chen from his chair. Kyungsoo could only look on, uncertain of what was happening. "Wait," Suho said, holding onto Chen's wrist. Kyungsoo bit his lip. This scene unfolding before him was making him feel oddly left out. He saw Kai roll his eyes as his grip on Chen's other arm tightened. "Don't worry, I'll take good care of your duet partner." "It's okay," Chen muttered with a rueful smile as he pried Suho's hand from his wrist. "Enjoy your catching up." And without another glance back, the two walked away. Kyungsoo watched them for a while, watched as Chen spoke and Kai laughed at whatever he said, watched as their motions began to slow down in his head and then Kai smiled, smiled the smile that Kyungsoo thought was for him and he looked away. "What just happened?" Suho uttered, eyes never leaving the two until the restaurant doors had closed. Kyungsoo wanted to pretend he didn't know. But he did. His hands felt cold and as he looked up at Suho and realized the comforting warmth by his side was gone, he knew it was because he was selfish and that's why they'd left. He had wanted Suho's undivided attention and now Kai had left with Chen for reasons he wasn’t quite sure. This was supposed to make him happy but it just made him feel sick all of a sudden. Suho sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Well, we might as well enjoy the rest of the time we have left." Kyungsoo nodded but he knew it wouldn't be the same. The guilt inside of him would eat him up until the time they had to leave. Before the night ended, Chen had texted Suho that Kai would bring him home so Suho had volunteered to bring Kyungsoo back instead. Kyungsoo had been hoping he could use this time to apologize to Kai for ignoring him and when he realized it wouldn't happen, the guilt came flooding back ten-fold. No more words were uttered once he sat inside Suho's car and he was thankful his hyung didn't pry. When he got home that night, trying to find some relief in his actions, he did the only thing he could think of. To: Kai I'm sorry. He knew Kai wouldn't reply and that texting him would probably not alleviate the heaviness in his heart but it did help him sleep somehow, dreading the next day when he would have to face Kai again. Kyungsoo arrived at the set early, as usual and had expected for Kai to be there already as well. Except, when he looked and asked around, his co-star was nowhere to be seen and had apparently not arrived yet. It wasn't until there was just ten minutes left before the actual shooting did Kai arrive, a phone pressed to his ear and a disheveled disposition. He had muttered a quick apology to everyone as he hung up and promptly ran to his dressing room to change, all the while ignoring Kyungsoo who he just passed as he went his way. To say Kyungsoo was stunned was an understatement but to say he didn't expect it would be a lie. Kai had managed to get ready in record time and before Kyungsoo knew it, they were already on the set and the directory was counting down until the cameras would roll. Kyungsoo noticed, not for the first time, how much Kai had improved. His acting wasn't bad but he was definitely gifted, almost as if it came natural to him that the only thing left to do would be to improve. He wondered momentarily if it was the same with Kai's dancing. He distracted himself with thoughts like these so as not to think about the silent treatment Kai was giving him throughout the day. It was a miracle he had still done so well with the shoot. During the break, Kyungsoo glanced at Kai and thought if he looked long enough maybe Kai would look back. But then Kai walked away and his thoughts drifted to wondering how Kai could look so calm and composed as he ignored him while Kyungsoo was mentally breaking apart. The ringing of a phone broke Kyungsoo from his thoughts and he looked to where he thought the sound was coming from. "I'm sorry," Kai bowed as he reached for his pants pocket. "I forgot to silent my phone. Please excuse me." Kai walked away, farther from everyone but Kyungsoo could hear as Kai uttered, "Not now, Jongdae hyung." The name rang warning bells in his head and for a moment he was going to dismiss it as paranoia but then something had clicked. Jongdae is Chen's real name, he thought or maybe it was his subconscious. Either way, the realization sent an uncomfortable feeling in his gut. He wanted to vomit. Shooting began again after Kai put the phone down and continued to ignore Kyungsoo. With one deep breath and thoughts filled with insecurities and worries, Kyungsoo shook his head. He didn’t understand why Kai was being such a brat about what happened. Kai knew Kyungsoo liked Suho so it was bound to happen that Kyungsoo would ignore him. Blowing the anger out of his system, Kyungsoo decided that if Kai was going to ignore him then he would ignore the younger as well. But as the day turned into night and the time came for their usual dinner, Kyungsoo couldn't help but feel the pang in his heart as Kai put his phone by his ear, called someone else to join him for dinner and walked out of the set, bidding everyone but Kyungsoo a good night. What have I done? It was not unusual for Kyungsoo to seek advice from Suho. In fact, it happened quite a lot since he debuted. Suho had been in the business far longer than Kyungsoo and knew a thing or two about what kind of woes Kyungsoo would deal with. So, Kyungsoo found himself in front of Suho's shared apartment with Chen. "Oh Kyungsoo, what are you doing here?" "Can we uhm talk?" Kyungsoo cringed as he stuttered. "Yeah sure," Suho opened the door wider to let Kyungsoo in. "I was just about to eat dinner. Have you eaten? Do you want to join me?" "That'd be nice," Kyungsoo admitted as he took the stool in front of Suho. "Where's Chen-ssi?" There was a slight pause before the reply. "He's out with someone." Kyungsoo gulped. He'd never heard Suho sound so pressed before and then it hit him like a tidal wave. He was in the shared apartment of Suho and Chen. This was where most of their sexual rendezvous could and would take place. He felt sick. He wanted to vomit. "Are you alright?" Suho asked as he placed a plate filled with rice and meat in front of Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo took a deep breath and breathe out, "Yeah, just fine." He took a few more deep breaths to calm his mind down. He was here to fix his problem with Kai and not to wallow over his own love problems. He was just thankful Chen was out because then that gave him a little more room to breathe. Then another wave of realization hit him. "Do you know who Chen-ssi was meeting?" Kyungsoo asked before he could stop himself. Suho looked surprised by the question as he sat down on his chair. Fixing himself on the seat, he turned to look at his plate before he answered. "He's with that Kim Kai." Kyungsoo didn't know what hurt more, that Kai had taken Chen out for dinner instead of him or that Chen was physically out of the apartment but he was still holding onto Suho's heart. Because even as Kyungsoo was sitting in front of him, it was obvious Suho would rather it be Chen instead. Taking another deep breath, Kyungsoo shook his head and stopped thinking about Chen and how he was indirectly taking all the important men in Kyungsoo's life. "I actually wanted to talk about Kai," Kyungsoo started and he noticed how Suho seemed to stop moving, his hand hanging in the air as he was about to spoon some of his food into his mouth. "Why? What's going on?" Suho asked once he'd regained composure without looking at Kyungsoo. "He's been ignoring me and I don't know what to do." Kyungsoo bit his bottom lip. Never did he think it would be a problem if Kai ignored him. Had someone told him months ago that the day Kai would ignore would come, he would have rejoiced but now there was only dread and guilt burning his insides. Suho sighed and rubbed his face with his hands. Kyungsoo watched his hyung breathe in and breathe out and noticed for the first time how tired he looked. Suho laughed, the sound bitter and dry, making Kyungsoo wince internally. "It seems like we both have the same problem," Suho snickered as he spooned more food into his mouth. Kyungsoo eyed him to urge him to elaborate and his hyung did. "Jongdae wouldn't shut up about Kai last night and then he proceeded to ignore me all day today. I —" Suho sighed not continuing his sentence. "I'm sorry. You're here to ask for my help but I'm the one ranting to you instead." "It's fine," Kyungsoo was quick to say even though every bit of emotion laced in Suho's words were like icicles stabbing at his heart. "About your Kai problem though," Suho began, a small smile playing on his lips. "I think he's just jealous." "Of what?" Kyungsoo quirked an eyebrow at Suho's reply. The older just shrugged and smirked. "That's for you to find out." Kyungsoo glared at Suho. "You're no help at all." Suho laughed and Kyungsoo was relieved to hear that it wasn't bitter at all. Kyungsoo smiled at that and Suho ruffled his hair. As they finished their dinner, Kyungsoo basked in the comfort that Suho provided and allowed himself to forget about Kai and Chen for the night. Kyungsoo didn't know how it happened but Kai had managed to ignore him for the rest of the weekend. And it hurt every time Suho would tell him Chen and Kai were together. It was a weird feeling, the sinking in his gut, like someone was pulling him down and he didn't like it one bit. He was glad Suho was there to listen to him and give him comfort, granted that it was because Suho wasn't preoccupied with Chen. Kyungsoo would take what he could get. A week had already passed and Kai was still ignoring Kyungsoo, only speaking to him when needed, which wasn't much at all. Kyungsoo had invited Suho to eat dinner at the restaurant he and Kai frequented. He'd been wanting to go back ever since but never liked the idea of going alone. Suho had picked him up from the set, just in time for when Kai had to leave as well. Just like always, Kai bid everyone but him a good night and shouldered his way in between them. The gesture made Kyungsoo frustrated. But Suho put a hand on his shoulder and it calmed him relatively. The restaurant was surprisingly vacant save for a few regulars and Kyungsoo guided Suho to where Kyungsoo and Kai would sit, by the window in the middle of the restaurant. But when they reached the spot, two familiar faces looked at them with surprise. "Joonmyun," Chen breathed out, voice soft as a whisper. "Jongdae," Suho said, smile too saccharine to be genuine and Kyungsoo felt like the third wheel again. Kai audibly sighed, the sound going through the three and taking their attention from the tense air that surrounded them. "Can I please just have a drama-free dinner?" Kai asked, tone obviously displeased as he rubbed his face irritably. "Sorry," Kyungsoo said automatically, surprised that he could even speak. "We'll go." "No no," Chen was quick to say, waving his hand as he stood up. "It's fine, we'll go." Chen made a move to grab at Kai's hand but Suho held onto it and gently guided him back to his chair. "How about we all have dinner again. Together." Suho turned to face Kai and smiled. Kyungsoo felt his heart rate spike. It was the scariest smile he'd ever seen on Suho. "Besides, I'd really like to get to know Kai-ssi better." Kai snorted as he scooted to the other side of his bench to make room for whoever would sit beside him. Kyungsoo sat beside him and he watched as Kai groaned and muttered some things under his breath. True to his word, Suho paid Kai his utmost attention, asking him things and smoothly making conversation. Kyungsoo would wince and cringe internally at the fake tone of happiness and curiosity. It was obvious that Kai and Chen noticed that as well but Kai kept a blank tone as he replied to Suho. Chen on the other hand subtly tried to make the elder stop. It wasn't until all meals were finished did Chen stand, pulling Suho along with him and excused themselves. "It's about time we go home," Chen said, hand gripping tight onto Suho's forearm. "I'll call you." He said to Kai as he dragged Suho out of the table. It was when the two had disappeared from the vicinity that Kyungsoo realized he was alone with Kai. He took this as an opportunity to speak but as he cleared his throat and opened his mouth, he found that he had nothing to say. "I like you," Kai said, tone loud and clear and Kyungsoo looked up to find Kai's face inches away from his own. His heart thundered in his chest. The confession came out of nowhere shocking him in a way that left him confused. "I'm sorry?" Kai sighed and leant his forehead against Kyungsoo's. "You're really dense, hyung." He whispered and it was a miracle Kyungsoo could still hear because everything inside his head was a mess and his thought process had slowed down significantly. "I like you, I have feelings for you. I've been ignoring you because I was jealous." Kai bit his bottom lip and lifted his head to look into Kyungsoo's eyes. "I was jealous because all your attention had been on Suho that night and all I could think of was how I wanted your attention like that, how I wanted you to look me at like that." "I —" Kyungsoo wanted to say something, anything but he didn't know what to say, he didn't know how he felt exactly towards Kai other than friendship. "It's okay," Kai was quick to say. "I know you don't see me in that way." Kai smiled solemnly at him. "I'll see you tomorrow, hyung." The events at the restaurant kept repeating in Kyungsoo's mind and rendered him unable to sleep. He tossed and turned but as soon as he closed his eyes, Kai's solemn smile and sad words rang through his mind, loud and clear. With great effort, he opened his eyes and looked at the clock on the bedside table. It read 01:18 AM. He groaned and buried himself in his comforter and pillows, trying his best to get comfortable and fall asleep. It didn't work, and after five minutes of thrashing about, Kyungsoo found himself wrapping a jacket over his body and going down the stairs of his condominium to hail a cab. Kyungsoo didn't particularly care that it was almost two in the morning as he stood outside a familiar door, not until he realized that maybe the occupants of the apartment were asleep. Still, as he rang the doorbell and banged the door repeatedly, it was too late to regret it. Suho opened the door after a few minutes, hair askew and robe barely concealing the red marks splayed all over his chest. There was whining in the background that got louder as Kyungsoo stood out of the hallway unable to utter a word. He was expecting a sleepy Suho or maybe even an up-all-night Suho. He certainly wasn't expecting sexed up Suho. He gulped and took a deep breath. He couldn't do this, so he did the only thing he could think of doing. He turned around and walked away. "Kyungsoo," He could hear Suho say but he didn't turn back and only increased his speed. "Wait, Kyungsoo," this time Suho was nearer and before Kyungsoo knew it, he was being whirled around and found himself face to face with Suho. "I love you," Kyungsoo blurted, voice hoarse and face wet. "I love you so much." Kyungsoo felt his throat close up and tears slowly make their way down his face and he hadn't even realized he'd been crying. Suho sighed and loosened his hold on Kyungsoo's arm, sliding his hands down until he was no longer touching Kyungsoo. "I know," he whispered. Kyungsoo looked up alarmed and found himself staring into Suho's guilt-filled eyes. "I'm sorry, Kyungsoo." Suho took a deep breath and stepped back. "I can't —I don't do relationships. I can't love you in the same way that you love me." Suho rubbed his face and ran his hands through his hair. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry if I ever gave you that impression. I'm sorry." Without replying —what else could he have said?—, he ran out of the apartment complex and tried to erase the guilt in Suho's eyes and the solemn smile Kai had given him. As he reached home, he crouched down into a ball and hugged his knees to his chest and wailed. He screamed and cried out until his throat was sore and his eyes were swollen. He didn't stop until his phone rang loud and clear in the apartment. Kyungsoo jumped as he moved to get it. He'd left his phone in the bedroom and when he reached to answer it, his doorbell rang. Wiping the tears from his eyes, he quickly made his way to his door as he slid a finger to answer the call on his phone. The ringing of the doorbell and banging on his door didn't make Kyungsoo go any faster but the voice on the other line did. "Kyungsoo, open the door!" Kai screamed and Kyungsoo scrambled to his front door, tears pooling at the edge of his eyes and threatening to spill once more. Kai wasted no time in enveloping Kyungsoo in a warm embrace as soon as the door opened. "I'm here," Kai repeated over and over again, wrapping Kyungsoo tight in his arms. When Kyungsoo had calmed down considerably, Kai carried him over to his room and laid him down on his bed and continued to hold him close. It took a while, but eventually the calm pace of Kai's heart beat and the warmth he engulfed Kyungsoo with had finally lulled him to sleep. Kyungsoo was grateful their shoot was coming to an end because it gave him enough reason to focus on his work and not think about his feelings for Kai or for Suho. But Kyungsoo also knew that he couldn’t run away from his problems for long. And as if fate was trying to prove a point, he found his phone ringing on a particular weekend that he was free. Without checking for the caller ID, he slid a finger across the screen and answered it. ”Kyungsoo-ssi,” Kyungsoo gulped as the voice on the other line filled his ears. “Chen-ssi,” he whispered. “Do you think we could talk?” Chen asked, voice sounding tired even as the static from their phones muffled the sound. With his heart pounding, sound drowning out even the static of their phones, Kyungsoo let out a breath. “Okay, where and what time?” Chen asked to meet at a nearby park and Kyungsoo was grateful it had been close. When he got there, he found Chen sitting on the bench, watching the kids play with a solemn smile on his face, hands in his pocket and back leaning on the backrest of the bench. He’d never seen the elder look so sad. Kyungsoo took a deep breath before he walked forward and sat beside Chen. He looked at what Chen was looking and waited for a few seconds before opening his mouth to speak. “I wanted to apologize,” Chen started, gaze still on the children. “I overheard your confession to Joonmyun and I wanted to say I’m sorry because I hurt you, too.” Kyungsoo gulped. He wasn’t expecting that from Chen. Chen turned to him and said, “I know it’s a little too late but I hope when all of this is over, and you’re okay again, I hope we can become friends.” Chen smiled at him and it was somehow comforting. “Thank you,” Kyungsoo said, returning Chen’s smile with one of his own. And, without pain or regrets he added, “I hope you and Suho hyung find happiness in each other.” Chen looked surprised at the reply but laughed after he’d regained composure. “Someday, maybe we will.” It was the last thing Chen said before Kyungsoo took his leave, his heart feeling lighter for the first time in a week. Without realizing it, Kyungsoo had finished filming the last scene of the movie. It was a scene with him and Kai, the best friends they played had graduated and were spending a night together looking at the stars discussing about dreams. It wasn’t the last scene for their movie but it felt like the perfect last scene to shoot. “And that’s a wrap!” The director called out to everyone on the set, the night sky was glittering with stars and Kyungsoo felt like he’d been freed. Kyungsoo breathed in the fresh air of the night and was surprised when a hand landed on his shoulder. “Hyung,” Kai said with a smile and Kyungsoo’s heart skipped a beat. “Do you want to have dinner with me?” Kyungsoo laughed, it was already late into the night and he knew that the restaurant they frequented would be closed. “Where do you want to eat then?” Kai laughed and then shrugged. “I don’t know, maybe you could come to my place and I’ll cook you something.” Kyungsoo pretended to think about it for a moment or two. It wasn’t until Kai was pouting that he smiled and said, “Okay.” Ever since Kyungsoo’s break down, their relationship had returned to it’s normal state. Although at times Kyungsoo felt guilty he hadn’t replied to Kai yet, he honestly didn’t know what to tell the younger. Kyungsoo was drawn back to reality when Kai pulled on his wrist and guided him back to the set so they could change clothes. There was an aura of excitement bubbling out of the younger and it amused Kyungsoo to no end, so he hurried in his changing of clothes and bid goodbye to the rest of the staff. They both thanked them for a job well done and together, hand in hand, left the set. The drive back to the younger’s condo had been filled with reminiscing the past months together, from the start of the shooting to the end. “So what are your plans?” Kai asked, as he prepared their dinner and Kyungsoo sat at the counter watching the younger work his way with the pans. “What do you mean?” Kyungsoo asked, amused with the way Kai cooked their food, filing this information for future use. “I mean, what are you going to do next after this movie? Are you gonna act in a drama or something?” Kai replied not turning around to face Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo shrugged even though Kai couldn’t see him. “I’m probably going to take a break for a while before I take on another project. What about you?” Kai turned to him then and smiled. “My dance company is doing a tour, so I’m going around the world for a year.” That wasn’t the answer Kyungsoo was expecting. Kyungsoo gaped for a few seconds before he could school it into a normal expression. “Wow, that’s really great,” Kyungsoo managed to say and Kai just smiled and turned back to his cooking. “It is,” Kai said. “And what’s great is that my father doesn’t mind.” But I mind, Kyungsoo thought and he realized how unfair that sounded and not to mention selfish, especially when he had no right to think that way. “I’m so happy for you,” Kyungsoo said smiling a little sadly, glad that Kai wouldn’t see as he had his back turned to him. Conversation seemed to be hard to continue after that and so they ate their dinner in silence. Kyungsoo was just thankful Kai hadn’t said anything or asked him why he was behaving the way he did. “Do you want to stay over, hyung? It’s getting kind of late and I’m kind of tired to drive you back to your condo.” Kai scratched the back of his head and smiled a little sheepishly at the older. “It could be like a sleepover.” Kyungsoo thought about it for a second and with the thought that Kai was going to leave him, he decided he’d stay. “Okay.” With Kyungsoo’s help, they managed to make the living room into an impromptu slumber party room. Kai had cooked some popcorns and laid down a pretty thick mattress on the floor and placed a good number of pillows around them. “We could watch some movies before we sleep, like a real sleepover,” He said excitedly, jumping onto the bed in his pajamas. Kyungsoo laughed as he lied down beside the younger in his own borrowed pajamas. “Okay, okay, just stop bouncing.” “Will you miss me, hyung?” Kai asked out of nowhere, making Kyungsoo’s heart clench and then beat faster almost at the same time. “Of course, I would,” He whispered burying his face into the pillow he was holding onto. Kai laughed and Kyungsoo remembered all those times that laugh made him feel high. He was going to miss that sound. “I’ll miss you, too hyung,” Kai said, turning to look at him, smiling down at him softly. Kyungsoo gulped as he looked at Kai, head propped on an arm and body turned sideways so they could look at each other. Even with all the makeup gone from his face and tiredness replaced it, he still looked unfairly handsome. And it was then that Kyungsoo realized he had to reply to Kai’s confession. He couldn’t let the younger leave without telling him something, anything. “Kai, about your confession —” “You don’t have to say anything, hyung.” Kai cut him off and Kyungsoo’s eyes widened at being interrupted but before he could say anything Kai spoke, “I’ll wait for when you’re ready. I can tell that you’re still unsure of what your feelings are. You don’t have to force yourself to answer me.” Kai scooted closer to Kyungsoo and held his hand. “When I come back from my tour, you can tell me then.” Kyungsoo opened his mouth to speak but Kai had placed his palm on his cheek. Kai closed his eyes as he felt the warmth of Kyungsoo's hand on his face. "And when you're finally in love with me, I hope you call me Jongin instead of Kai." Kai had kissed the inside of Kyungsoo’s hand and the rest of the night had blurred into faded memories. Kyungsoo fixed his tie, loosening it so he could breathe. Awards shows always made him feel suffocated from the pressure and stress it brought on. He took another deep breath and entered the hall, looking around for familiar faces. "Kyungsoo," someone had called and Kyungsoo turned around to be greeted by the director of his last movie. The director hugged him and greeted him, asking him about his latest drama. "Congratulations by the way, on your nomination for best actor for our movie," the director said, patting Kyungsoo's arm proudly. "Have you seen Kai? I've been wanting to congratulate him on his nomination as well.” At the mention of Kai's name, Kyungsoo's heart skipped a beat. He hadn't seen Kai in over a year, not since he had left on a plane to tour the world doing what he loved the most. "No, I haven't," Kyungsoo replied honestly. "Well, he should be here soon. Good luck, Kyungsoo! I hope to work with you and Kai soon." With that, the director left Kyungsoo on his own to look for his seat. Kyungsoo was disappointed to find out that he wasn't in a table with Kai. He had hoped that at least they could share a table. With a sigh, he took his seat and looked around once more for his friend. A lot had happened since Kai left for his dance tour. Kyungsoo took a break from shooting movies and one month after Kai left, he signed a contract with EXO Entertainment to star in his own drama. They exchanged emails every day and communicated on various chatting apps on their phones to fill the void that had lodged in their hearts when Kai left. It wasn't enough, not nearly, but Kyungsoo was glad for every mail or message he got. He didn't realize he would miss the younger so much and with every ping of his phone or email notification, the pang in his heart lessened considerably. It was during one of their video calls that Kyungsoo realized his true feelings for Kai. It had been almost six months since Kai had left and the dancer was telling Kyungsoo of all the things that happened on that day. There was a smile on his face and he gestured wildly as he narrated his story. His heart clenched at the image. He wanted, more than anything, to be by Kai's side at that moment. And he realized then, that it was more than just missing Kai. It was more than just wanting to be by a friend's side. The MC opening the awards show spoke into the mic and Kyungsoo snapped back into attention and felt slightly embarrassed at having spaced out. Kyungsoo had been planning his confession since then and now that Kai's back in Korea, he knew it was time to give Kai the reply he deserved. When they called the nominees for best supporting actor, Kyungsoo frantically looked around the crowd, the thundering sound of his heart beat drowning most of the noise out. "Kim Kai," the announcer called out and a scene from the movie they filmed appeared. It had been the scene they last shot and Kyungsoo stopped looking around to watch the screen as Kai delivered his lines. "And the winner is," the announcer made a dramatic pause and Kyungsoo closed his eyes. "Kim Kai!" Kyungsoo's eyes shot open and he looked at the walkway for Kai but all he saw was a man who looked a lot like Kai's father. "Unfortunately," Kai's father started. "My son couldn't make it to claim his award. He's currently preparing for his performance tonight. On behalf of my son, I would like to thank all the staff of 'The Meaning of Friendship' for helping my son, for Kim Taewon for directing this movie and for Do Kyungsoo who has become a great friend to my son." After hearing Kai's father's speech, Kyungsoo had almost bolted out of the hall to go and watch Kai's performance. He couldn't believe that he didn't know Kai had a performance today. He bit his lip because he couldn't leave now, not when his own award was coming next. As they called him and even when he gave his speech, Kyungsoo felt so out of it. All he wanted to do was leave as soon as possible. He needed to tell Kai how he felt. With the right excuse to Baekhyun, his manager helped him leave early, even driving him to the concert hall where Kai's performance was held. By the time he got there, people were already filing out and Kyungsoo made his way through the crowd, looking for the place he could find Kai the fastest. He spotted the backstage quickly enough and ignored the confused looks people were sending his way. He was met with an employee who was adamant on kicking him out and Kyungsoo couldn't help but to feel frustrated at having been stopped from his rushing. "What's going on here?" A familiar voice asked and Kyungsoo stopped his arguing to look behind the employee. His world stopped revolving for a moment. All he could do was to look at Kai, his face gleaming with a thin sheen of sweat and glittery make up. He was wearing black tights and a flashy top. Kyungsoo had never seen him that gorgeous. His breath caught in his throat. "Kyungsoo hyung!" Kai greeted excitedly as he pushed the employee aside to embrace Kyungsoo. Kai's scent filled Kyungsoo's nose and he buried his face in the crook of Kai's neck, smelling sweat, perfume and makeup mix together in a scent that was uniquely Kai's. "I missed you," Kai whispered and Kyungsoo wrapped his arms around Kai, holding him tightly. "I missed you, too." "What are you doing here, hyung? Aren't you supposed to be at the awards show?" Kai asked as he pushed Kyungsoo back a little to look at him. "I —" there was a lot Kyungsoo wanted to say but he settled for, "I wanted to tell you something." "And it couldn't wait?" Kai smirked as his hands slid down his arms to lace their fingers together. "It couldn't," Kyungsoo said as he squeezed the hand in his. His heart was pounding. He was nervous but he was excited because he was finally going to say it. Kyungsoo took a deep breath and smiled up at the younger. "I love you, Jongin." Jongin returned the smile, love in his eyes and unspoken promises on his lips, as he pulled Kyungsoo closer. "Finally," Jongin whispered against his lips before pressing them softly on Kyungsoo's lips. Kyungsoo couldn't help but smile into the kiss. Finally.

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a/n: Thank you to the wonderful natsuikan for beta-ing for me even though she doesn’t read yaoi and/or BL. Also, to kyudos2you, I hope you like this? I know this may not have been what you asked for but I hope it made you happy. And of course, the added 5k words, you don’t have to pay for that u_u To everyone who read, thank you so much and Happy Valentine’s Day :*
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