suchen; In the midst of falling rain and roaring thunder (1/2) [Oneshot]

[darkyulate]

Title: In the midst of falling rain and roaring thunder
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Chen/Suho, past!Xiumin/Chen, not-really Suho/Taeyeon
Length: 14707 words
Summary: We all have choices to make, have our own dreams to follow and our own lives to lead. But when you’re Kim Joonmyun, that isn’t quite the life you can have. Because Kim Joonmyun’s life has been written in stone, set by his parents and he has no choice but to follow every command they have for him.

Until he meets Kim Jongdae.

Notes: An entry for criticalcapture. Originally found here. Written while listening to this and this. Listening is not required but both mixes helped with the writing process. VERY IMPORTANT NOTES. But please read the author's notes AFTER reading everything if you do not want spoilers.

Joonmyun steps into the gallery, eyes slowly leaving the booklet in his hand to come up and scans the room he's just entered. His eyes widen at the large expanse before him; the gallery was surprisingly larger than it looked from the outside. He nods in approval as he looks around, going over all the artworks displayed. The gallery is simply decorated with contrasting colors that give it a contemporary feeling. He smiles as he settles further inside, eyes passing the different pieces inside the room. And that's when he sees it, the large painting in the middle of the floor, hanging on the large white wall. The painting takes up almost all of the space of the wall, making it the only artwork displayed. Joonmyun finds himself drawn towards it, feet moving of their own accord to walk closer as his eyes go over the large canvas from top to bottom. It isn't the size that draws him in, even if it is the grandness of it that made him notice it. The painting is of a man sitting on a log, watching the dark sky light up with lightning. Joonmyun eyes every detail of the painting, from the lightning at the top, going down to admire the detail of the night sky and finally, the back of the man on the painting. There is a feeling of familiarity as he continues to look at the painting, letting it draw him in further. “Struck by Lightning,” Joonmyun reads the title of the painting aloud, snorting at how cliche it is. Joonmyun checks his booklet and looks for the specific painting in the pages, trying to find what the booklet has to say about it. He looks back and forth from the program and to the painting, admiring the way the man seated on the log watches the lightning. There is little information on the program, only stating it was the highlight of the exhibit, and he frowns in disappointment when he doesn’t see what he’s looking for. He looks around, trying to find a sales attendant that can help him with his questions about the painting. When he doesn’t find anyone available, he resumes admiring the painting, feeling sympathetic towards the man on the painting. “You’ve been looking at that painting since you walked in,” someone says from beside him and Joonmyun, only mildly shocked from the disturbance, turns to him with a smile. “Yeah.” Joonmyun turns his attention back to the painting. “It reminds me of myself,” He admits with a laugh. The stranger watches him with a smile. “Really? What makes you say that?” Joonmyun shrugs as he thinks about his words. “You know when you’re struck with a realization and people say there’s a light bulb going off in your head?” He looks to the man and sees him nod before turning back to the painting, looking at the bright paint used for the lightning adorning the sky of the painting. “It reminds me of that time I had the biggest epiphany of my life,” Joonmyun says before smiling at the man. He opts not to elaborate any further what he means by epiphany. “That sounds very optimistic,” the stranger begins to say. “But don’t you think the painting looks kind of sad?” Joonmyun turns back to the painting and this time the smile on his face is solemn. “Well, epiphanies are just epiphanies. It’s what you do with them that counts. I think the man in the photo didn’t know what to do with his own epiphany.” The stranger hums and whispers, “I’ve never thought of it like that.” Despite the soft tone, Joonmyun hears what the stranger said and he turns to ask him what he meant. But when he looks to his side, the man is no longer there. He looks around for him but finds no traces of the man anywhere in the room. He shrugs and goes back to admiring the painting for a few more minutes before looking around. The program says the exhibit is for an artist named Chen. Joonmyun wonders if he’ll be able to meet him tonight. It has always been his favorite part of an exhibit to meet the artist. It doesn’t take long before he’s found himself admiring another masterpiece by Chen and he smiles at the particularly bright and colorful piece, admiring the colors used and how it makes him feel a little bit more elated. His phone rings then and he picks up, moving to another piece in the gallery. “Hello?” “Joonmyun-ssi,” a female voice from the other line says. Joonmyun smiles, albeit a little forced. “Taeyeon-ssi,” He says in recognition, the name of his fiancee rolling out of his lips with a heavy sigh. “I just wanted to apologize for not being able to accompany you to my friend’s art exhibit tonight. I know I invited you and all and —” Joonmyun cuts her off. “It’s really fine, Taeyeon-ssi. You invited me because you know I love going to art exhibits and it’s not like I’m not used to going to them alone.” He laughs to make it seem like he really doesn’t mind, and it’s not as if he does anymore. “Well, enjoy! I’ll tell my friend that you came so maybe he can show you around,” He can almost see the relieved smile on her face and he mutters a soft thank you before hanging up. Joonmyun sighs as he pockets his phone. He slides his hand up to straighten his hair, a habit he’s unable to break when he needs to regain composure. He looks around the room and moves to brighter and more positive looking paintings. When the night ends, Joonmyun leaves the gallery, looking back one last time to look at the highlight of the exhibit, memorizing every line and curve of ‘Struck by Lightning’. When he’s satisfied, he walks out of the gallery, mind swirling with thoughts of the paintings Chen had created, only slightly disappointed he hadn’t been able to meet the artist. He smiles as he enters his car. Maybe I’ll meet him some other time, Joonmyun thinks. ϟ ϟ ϟ ϟ ϟ The roaring sound of the thunder catches Joonmyun’s attention and distracts him from reading the papers in his hand. He puts them down on his desk and turns his chair to face the floor to ceiling windows decorating his office. The view of the night sky is perfect from his office floor and he notices the dark gray clouds soaring above and he wonders if it’s going to rain. He checks the time on his wristwatch and sighs when it reads one in the morning. He turns his chair back to face his desk but the energy to work is no longer in his body. He sighs as he stares at the papers on his desk, the thought of having to read them becoming more and more of a burden. He shakes his head and picks up the papers before he can change his mind. Once he realizes he’s read the paragraph three times already and he still can’t seem to understand what the reports are saying, he throws the papers back on the desks and leans back on his chair. “I need coffee,” Joonmyun tells himself, rubbing the soreness away from his eyes. Without looking at the mess on his desk, he grabs his coat and exits his office. The walk to the coffee shop across the building is fairly short and Joonmyun decides to take his time despite the threat of rain looming over his head. He stares ahead of him, smiling at the cozy signboard of the cafe with it’s name printed in bright lights. Sweetest Sins, Joonmyun reads and he smiles as he pushes the door to make his way inside. The scent of coffee beans is the first thing that greets Joonmyun and he takes a deep breath, letting the scent of coffee relax him, helping him settle into the warm and cozy ambience of the cafe. He smiles as he approaches the counter and orders his usual Americano and adds something sweet to his order for a little bit of change in his routine. When he’s done paying, he looks around the almost empty cafe for a table to occupy. And that’s when he see spots him, with the thunder echoing in the otherwise quiet coffee shop. The familiar man is seated by the window and is looking down into some card he’s holding in between his hands. From the little profile that Joonmyun can see, he is sure he’s seen that man before. He moves to approach him but his name gets called out for his order and he goes to the counter to pick up his tray instead. Joonmyun doesn’t know what comes over him, but soon after he picks up his tray, his feet lead him to where the familiar man is seated. By the time he’s reached the free chair in front of the man, it finally hits him what he’s done. Before he can turn away, turn back from this seemingly bad choice, the familiar man has looked up from the card he’s holding, eyes scanning the figure of Joonmyun and an eyebrow quirked upward in question. Joonmyun opens his mouth and he flushes the slightest, not knowing what to do. And it’s such an odd feeling, because he’s been put on the spot before and he’s always known what to do. “Yes, how may I help you?” The man asks when Joonmyun still hasn’t said a word and it brings Joonmyun back to the situation at hand. He chuckles at his predicament before relaxing and gaining a little bit of his confidence back. “I was just wondering if this seat was taken.” The man raises his eyebrow higher and eyes him speculatively, glancing around the cafe to check out all the free tables before going back to him. “Why?” The man asks, his stance straight and guarded. Joonmyun gives him a sheepish smile as the first thought that comes to mind leaves his lips. “I don’t want to sit alone.” He hopes it gives the desired effect. The other just eyes him again before sighing and waving his hand to gesture for him to take the seat. Joonmyun gives him a friendly smile before taking the seat and setting his tray down on the table. The stranger eyes him one more time before going back to stare at the card in his hand. Joonmyun takes his mug of coffee and discreetly watches the stranger as he puts the card back in a white envelope before settling it on the table and turning his head toward the window, head leaning down to rest on his palm. He doesn’t say anything as Joonmyun puts his mug down and proceeds to fork his cake and it only serves to make Joonmyun continue discreetly eyeing the person before him. From what Joonmyun can see, the man before him has messy dark brown hair, cheek bones noticeable from where his fingers aren’t hiding them. His lashes are long and casting shadows on his cheeks from the cafe’s lighting. His bony fingers are covering a large portion of his face so Joonmyun turns his attention to them instead, noticing how there’s some paint dirtying them, especially his fingernails. Somewhere at the back of Joonmyun’s mind, the wheels are turning as the word paint echoes inside of his head. He notices that not only are his hands dirtied by paint but his clothes as well. “Hey,” Joonmyun calls out all of a sudden, not really realizing what he’s doing. “You’re that man from the gallery.” The man turns to him, a bored look in his eyes. He raises an eyebrow at Joonmyun again but after a few seconds of staring his eyes begin to flicker with recognition. “Ah, you’re that guy I asked about the painting.” “I’m Joonmyun,” Joonmyun introduces himself with an excited smile, wasting no time in putting his right hand out and the stranger looks at it before taking it in his. “Jongdae,” the stranger replies boredly. “So, you’re an artist?” Joonmyun asks excitedly and Jongdae smirks at him, head still resting on his hand. “You could say that,” Jongdae replies with a shrug and Joonmyun chuckles. “You do know you’ve got paint all over you, so if you’re trying to play with me, it’s not working,” Joonmyun points out as he takes a bite out of his cake. Jongdae seems startled by his response and he looks at his hands and clothes, seeing for himself what Joonmyun meant. “Damn, I forgot all about that,” Jongdae says tone bored and sarcastic. Joonmyun smiles at him in triumph, only to take it back as Jongdae glares at him. Joonmyun raises both of his hands up in defense and Jongdae rolls his eyes before turning his gaze back to the scenery out the window. “So, you’re an artist,” Joonmyun tries again after a few minutes have passed, forking some of his cake in his mouth. Jongdae sighs but doesn’t take his eyes away from the window when he replies, “Yes, yes I am.” “Oh wow, that’s so cool.” Before Joonmyun can stop himself, he adds. “I’ve always wanted to be an artist.” He cringes as the words leave his mouth and this time Jongdae notices and his eyes twinkle a little with a mischievous glint. “Oh, really? But, you’re not?” Jongdae asks, turning his attention fully on Joonmyun. “Yeah,” Joonmyun admits shyly, chuckling slightly. “I’m a businessman. I couldn’t get into the arts even if I wanted to.” Joonmyun looks down at his cake and smiles sadly at the memories flashing in his mind before realizing what he’d just said and he looks back up at Jongdae to somehow take it back. Instead, he sees Jongdae give him a sympathetic smile. “That’s too bad,” Jongdae begins and then a smirk appears on his lips. “I think you would have made a great artist.” Joonmyun laughs knowing full well that his talents with painting and drawing ended at stick figures. “I promise you, that is not the case.” “Oh, come on,” Jongdae urges him on with a smile. “Everyone can draw!” Joonmyun laughs shaking his head, thanking Jongdae silently for changing the topic. “Everyone but me,” Joonmyun replies, returning the smile and Jongdae just shakes his head at the reply. “But I do know how to appreciate other people’s art. Probably the only indulgence I allowed myself.” “Is that why you were at the gallery the other day?” Joonmyun nods. “That and a,” Joonmyun pauses. He bites his lip, knowing he’s going to regret this one day. “A friend invited me to go with her since she knew I liked going to art exhibits but she couldn’t make it.” When Joonmyun turns to look at Jongdae to see if he’s noticed the pause, all he gets is another smile, with Jongdae’s eyes crinkling at the corners and the cafe lighting making them twinkle and his lips curling at the corners. Joonmyun’s mind goes blank and suddenly the only thing he can see is that smile, the only thing he can hear is the loud pounding of his heart. “I see,” is all Jongdae replies, turning back to gaze out the window again. Joonmyun opens his mouth to engage Jongdae into another conversation but decides against it, closing his mouth and smiling down at his cake. “Well,” Jongdae begins, drawing Joonmyun’s attention away from his coffee and cake. “It was nice meeting you, Joonmyun-ssi.” “Likewise,” Joonmyun replies, extending his hand once more and Jongdae accepts it. Jongdae stands up and takes his bag from the chair. Joonmyun watches Jongdae walk out the cafe and into the drizzling streets of Seoul but doesn’t chase after him. When he turns his gaze back to the now empty chair, he spots the envelope on Jongdae’s side, remembering that it had been what Jongdae had been looking at when he’d spotted him. He grabs it and stands up to see if he can still run after Jongdae. But when he looks out the window, all he sees are the dark streets of Seoul illuminated by street lamps and car headlights passing by. Joonmyun sits back down on his chair and takes a deep breath. He looks around the cafe and sees that only the barista is left, cleaning the counter and not paying attention to him. When he’s sure no one will bother him, he holds the envelope up to him and opens it. There’s a gold invitation inside and when Joonmyun opens the flap he realizes it’s for another art exhibit featuring Seoul’s finest artists. There’s a list of names printed inside the invitation and Joonmyun notices immediately Chen’s name, it being the only name written in English. “Chen,” Joonmyun reads softly subconsciously. Joonmyun doesn’t see Jongdae’s name anywhere and wonders if Jongdae had been invited to the event. He puts the invitation down and thinks about the date of the event and the time. “If I move some of my meetings,” Joonmyun begins thoughtfully, pushing the invitation to the side as he grabs his cup of coffee. “I think I can go.” Before he leaves the cafe, Joonmyun takes one last look at the invitation, engraving the time and place to his mind. He stares at Chen’s name and the theme of his exhibit printed beside his name, I loved you. A rush of excitement flows through him at the thought of seeing more of Chen’s artworks. And then he remembers the man that sat in front of him, remembers the smile he’d shown as the cafe lighting shone on him and hopes he meets Jongdae again at the art exhibit. ϟ ϟ ϟ ϟ ϟ The first thing that Joonmyun notices as he steps inside the gallery is that it’s bigger than the last. The first floor is wider than the gallery he went to last time and despite the crowd, he knows they’re featuring more artworks, certain spaces reserved for certain artists. There’s a flight of stairs to the side leading to the second floor which is only as wide as half of the first floor. From where he’s standing, he can see that the second floor displays only five artists and Joonmyun smiles when he realizes that those five must be the best in the industry thus far. Somewhere in his gut he knows that if he climbs those stairs, he will be able to see Chen’s works. But Joonmyun doesn’t go up. Instead, he loiters on the first floor, going around to check out the different artists Korea has to offer. He’s checking out his fourth artist’s exhibit when his phone vibrates in his pants pocket. He gazes at the painting in front him, a rather dull painting with dull colors but the emotion in it is heavy and he turns his gaze to his vibrating phone in his pocket. He sighs as he moves a hand to answer it, going to a secluded area knowing full well who will be at the end of the line. “Yes, mother?” Joonmyun hears a sigh from the other end of the line. ”Where are you, Joonmyun?” Joonmyun bites his lip, looking around the gallery to see if anyone’s close enough to hear him speak. “I’m checking out this art exhibit.” “Joonmyun.” Joonmyun closes his eyes at his mother’s tone, knows it’s the one she uses when she’s angry with him but he’s old enough not to be bothered by it anymore. “Look mother, what I do on my free time is up to me. I’m still doing my job as CEO of Kim Co.,” Joonmyun replies, standing up straighter just as if his mother was talking to him in person. He hears his mother sigh and he knows she massaging her temples. “Couldn’t you have at least taken Taeyeon with you?” The question catches him off guard, knowing his mother has a point and this time he has no excuse ready, no words to say in return. He opens and closes his mouth but the words aren’t coming to him. “Joonmyun, are you still there?” Joonmyun shakes his head, takes deep breath and says the first thing that comes to his mind. “I see Taeyeon every day, mother, I just wanted this time for myself.” His mother huffs before giving up on reprimanding him. “Just make sure it doesn’t happen again.” His mother ends the call and Joonmyun chucks his phone back into his pocket angrily. “I’m 25 years old and yet my parents still control my life,” Joonmyun mutters with a bitter chuckle. He takes deep breaths to calm his nerves, feeling a little of his pent up frustration ebbing away with each breath out. When he knows he’s alright to enjoy the rest of the exhibit, he turns his gaze back to the gallery and nearly bumps into someone. “Hey,” the man greets as they both regain their footing. “Hey, Jongdae, it’s you,” Joonmyun begins, hands gripping Jongdae’s arms to steady him. “Sorry about that.” Jongdae just laughs waving him off. “Fancy meeting you here,” he says instead and Joonmyun chuckles, hands reluctantly letting go of Jongdae. Joonmyun laughs and slides his hands up to the side of his hair. “Yeah,” He says a little nervously. “Are your artworks being exhibited here as well?” Jongdae chuckles and points to Joonmyun’s program. “Did you see my name in the list?” “No,” Joonmyun replies tentatively. Jongdae smirks at him, sipping the wine from his glass. “Then I guess that answers your question.” Joonmyun chuckles, shaking his head as he mutters, “I shouldn’t have asked…” Joonmyun isn’t sure how it happened, but he finds himself trailing after Jongdae, going over the different exhibits in the gallery together and exchanging comments about the different works. It becomes a comfortable routine for them to stop in front of an exhibit’s highlight and then exchange thoughts on the piece before going over the program and reading the information offered to them by the artist. Sometimes, Jongdae will give a comical remark and Joonmyun will laugh but, most of the time, the comments are serious and well thought of. It makes Jongdae good company for art viewing, something Joonmyun hasn’t found since he’s stepped foot on Seoul. When they finish going over all the artworks on the first floor, Joonmyun feels this bubble of excitement come over him. The feeling drives him to impulsively hold onto Jongdae’s arm, and lead the other man up the stairs that will bring them to Chen’s exhibit. He can hear Jongdae protesting at being dragged but his mind is too fuddled with anticipation. Joonmyun’s eyes light up when they finally reach Chen’s exhibit and he walks further ahead, leaving Jongdae to trail after him, to see the highlight of the Chen’s exhibit. It’s a rather small framed painting in the middle of the exhibit. There are no other paintings on the wall the painting is hanging from. “What do you think?” Jongdae asks tone soft but Joonmyun doesn’t really pay much attention to it as his heart drums a little in his chest, almost as if he’d anticipated the question. Joonmyun takes a second to admire the colors blending in the background of the painting and then at the two people in the painting who are, as if, in their own world caught in each other’s embrace. He gives the painting a rueful smile. “I’m envious.” Joonmyun turns and almost laughs at the questioning look Jongdae gives him. “I’ve never really been in love and —” Joonmyun feels his phone vibrate in his pants pocket and he contemplates whether he should excuse himself to pick it up or leave it be. Jongdae urges him to continue but Joonmyun is still torn whether he should take the call or leave it be. With a sigh, he takes his phone out and declines the call. “You were saying?” Jongdae asks and Joonmyun gives him an apologetic smile. “I —well, I’ve never been in love and this painting gives me the feeling that those two must have really been in love.” Joonmyun turns to look at the painting again, genuinely envious of the two people. From the corner of his eye, he sees Jongdae look at the painting as well, a solemn smile playing on his lips. There’s a melancholic gleam in Jongdae’s eyes and somewhere in the depths of Joonmyun’s heart, something stirs. He sidles closer and asks softly, “Are you okay?” Jongdae turns and gives him a sad smile, his eyes crinkling into crescents and lips tugging excessively at the corners but there’s no happiness in it. “Of course.” Joonmyun opens his mouth to urge him to tell the truth, but then his phone vibrates again and he can’t help but take his phone out and check to find that his father is calling him. He breathes out in irritation. He closes his eyes and rejects the call, knowing he’s going to get scolded as soon as he steps foot inside their mansion. “You’re not going to answer that?” Joonmyun gives him a tired smile. “It’s just my father. I really don’t want to talk to him right now.” Jongdae nods and accepts the explanation before turning to look at another painting in the exhibit and the smile on his face is sadder and more heartbreaking. Joonmyun gulps as he stands beside Jongdae, unsure of what’s going on with his friend. He opens his mouth to say something but closes it when he realizes he doesn’t know what to say. It’s then that Joonmyun decides to look at the painting that’s caught Jongdae’s attention. It’s a painting of man, his smile dazzling in the painting, with the background making it look like the sun is shining down on him. Joonmyun reads the place card on the wall below the painting and finds the ‘金珉锡’ written on it as the name of the painting. He doesn’t know much about Hanja but he suspects it may be the name of the person in the painting. Joonmyun opens his mouth to speak, to ask Jongdae what he thinks about the painting because Jongdae hasn’t prompted him yet but when he looks back at the man, Jongdae looks so engrossed in the painting, eyes glazed over with a heavy emotion. He opts to squeeze Jongdae’s shoulder and gives him a comforting smile before leading him away from the exhibit and towards a different artist’s exhibit. Joonmyun knows Jongdae’s alright once he’s back to commenting about the other artworks. He sighs in relief once the solemn and resigned look in Jongdae’s eyes are gone, replaced by something a little brighter. And while Jongdae talks about how the art on the sculpture is not his style, Joonmyun checks out the description of the two paintings of Chen’s exhibit in the program. The highlight of the Chen’s exhibit titled ‘I loved you’ only has When love goes away, you take a part of me with you. When he turns the page to check out ‘金珉锡’, he finds I’m letting you go. Joonmyun knows those are the artists personal feelings and he wonders if Jongdae had sympathized with Chen because judging by his reaction, he must have felt the same way Chen did. He wants to ask Jongdae about it and he moves towards his friend, gripping his arm to make him pause with his comment about another artwork. Before Joonmyun can get a word out, his phone vibrates once more in his pocket and Joonmyun sighs, knowing he can’t keep putting it off. He checks the time and Jongdae turns to him. “Is there something wrong?” Jongdae asks. Joonmyun gives him an apologetic smile. “I have to go.” Jongdae nods slowly in understanding. “Well, it was nice seeing you again.” Joonmyun smiles at Jongdae, the one he uses when he’s trying to woo business partners. “How about we exchange numbers?” Jongdae chuckles, the sound making Joonmyun’s stomach flip. “Alright, give me your phone.” Joonmyun hands him his phone and when he gets it back, he expects Jongdae to give him his phone so he can input his number. Instead, Jongdae says, “Call me.” And walks away. Joonmyun laughs as he goes down the stairs, and smiles as he steps inside the car waiting for him as he exits the gallery. The smile doesn’t leave his lips all throughout the night, even when his mother scolds him for neglecting his fiancée. ϟ ϟ ϟ ϟ ϟ There are various envelopes and papers lined up in front of Joonmyun but the only thing he sees is his phone's message app open, ready to send a new message. Jongdae's number is at the top and the rest of the background is devoid of anything else. "These are the different wedding invitations we use and here," the lady says as she produces a laminated paper from her booklet and hands it to Taeyeon beside him. "Are the different templates for the information inside." Taeyeon leans to his side and Joonmyun locks his phone and pockets it. "What do you think?" She asks and shows him the laminated paper. Joonmyun peers at it, sees the different templates and gives Taeyeon his best disarming smile. “I think you should pick what you like.” Taeyeon smiles at him and then turns to the lady in front of them and asks for them to be left alone. At the order, Joonmyun turns his attention fully on Taeyeon. When the lady is gone, Taeyeon glares up at him. “If you think you can push all wedding responsibilities to me,” she starts, pushing the laminated paper to his chest. “Then think again.” She gives him a forced smile and turns to look at the different papers and envelopes, spreading them out so she can find the perfect combination. From beside her, Joonmyun sighs and looks at the templates on the laminated paper, cringing at the lace style designs and the curvy fonts. “Why didn’t we get a planner again?” Joonmyun asks setting the laminated paper aside. Taeyeon chuckles and gives him a smile, her eyes twinkling just the slightest, “Because I want to prolong this engagement and wedding for as long as possible.” Joonmyun’s eyes widen her comment and then he laughs. For the first time since they’ve been told of their engagement, Joonmyun feels a sort of camaraderie between them. “Well,” He begins. “If you had told me that was the plan in the first place, then I would have gladly helped.” “Oh, really now?” Joonmyun smirks at her before calling for the lady again. “It seems that my fiancee and I can’t find what it is we like. Is this everything you have for your wedding invitation designs?” When the lady gives them a yes, they both turn to each other and smile. “It seems like we’ll be taking our leave, then.” Taeyeon gives the sales lady an apologetic smile and Joonmyun whips out his phone to call his mother about the progress of today’s invitation shopping. The car is already waiting for them by the time they get out of the shop but from the corner of Joonmyun’s eyes he spots a familiar figure enter a restaurant across the street. He’s far enough that he won’t get noticed but close enough to confirm who it is from where the man is standing inside the restaurant, his shape seen through the window. Before he can change his mind, Joonmyun leans down to the open door. “I just remembered that there’s still some work I have to take care of.” Taeyeon turns to him and smiles, there’s a playful air to the way she smiles. “I see,” she singsongs. “I’ll tell our parents you’ll meet us for dinner then.” Taeyeon waves with her fingers goodbye and closes the door. Joonmyun laughs a little and waves back, watching the car disappear before combing a hand through his hair and taking deep breaths. When he feels ready enough, he jogs across the street to where the restaurant is and enters, being ushered in by the man by the door. There is a quick plan going on in his head as he takes a step inside the restaurant, the waiter asking him how many will be eating. “Just one,” Joonmyun smiles and the man leads him inside and when he spots Jongdae sitting by the window he takes a deep breath and walks towards him, leaving the waiter to trail behind him as he goes away from the path he was leading. “Jongdae?” Joonmyun asks, hoping the tone is curious enough. Jongdae looks up from the menu he’s reading and meets eyes with Joonmyun. Joonmyun watches the shock disappear from Jongdae’s face before smiling up at him, the corner of his lips curving and making Joonmyun’s heart skip a beat. “Fancy meeting you here,” Jongdae says and it reminds Joonmyun of the time they met at the gallery and he can’t help but laugh. “Would you mind if I joined you?” Jongdae hums before quirking an eyebrow up at him, “I don’t know. I feel like you’ve been stalking me.” Joonmyun laughs and hopes it doesn’t sound as guilty as he feels and he raises his arms in defense for added effect, “Nothing of that sort,” he begins and then adds. “I promise.” Jongdae eyes him but the smile on his lips are playful before he says, “Alright, you can join me.” “So, what are you doing here?” Jongdae asks, resting his head on his hand much like that time he did back in the cafe. “If you’re not stalking me,” he adds playfully. Joonmyun laughs and hopes it doesn’t sound as nervous as he feels. “Of course not, I work in the area. My office’s building is right across that cafe where we met and I just decided to eat lunch here. What about you?” Joonmyun picks the up the menu the waiter offers him and hides his face from Jongdae so he doesn’t see the slightly panicked look he’s sporting. He peers at Jongdae from behind it, making sure only his eyes are showing and he sees Jongdae give him an amused smile. “My studio’s not too far from here so I eat here sometimes when I don’t feel like cooking.” Jongdae stops smiling at him and turns his attention to the menu. “So you eat here a lot?” When Jongdae gives an affirmative sound, Joonmyun puts down his menu and crosses his arms on the table. “Any recommendations?” Jongdae pauses to think, going over his own menu and then looking back up at Joonmyun. Joonmyun smiles at the gesture, like watching a child think of an answer to a particularly difficult problem. “How about you get the same thing I’m ordering,” Jongdae says as he presents his menu to Joonmyun, pointing his finger towards his choice of food. Joonmyun checks out the name and then the ingredients of the meal. His eyes light up at the words chicken and rice and he nods his head in affirmation, feeling his mouth water at the choice of food. Jongdae smiles at him triumphantly as he raises his hand to call for a waiter’s attention. “I’ll order for the both of us then.” Jongdae smiles as the waiter arrives and Joonmyun watches Jongdae smoothly give their waiter their orders. Joonmyun can’t help the smile that decorates his face as he watches Jongdae talk and thank the waiter, feeling his heart rate quicken as that smile is directed towards him. Conversation between them is easy after that, much like that time in the art gallery and Joonmyun feels so at ease and unguarded with Jongdae, so unlike how he’s used to holding himself when he’s with the company of other people. Jongdae tells him all about his paintings and how he’s working on another set to hopefully be able to make it for his debut. Joonmyun notices the guarded way he’s speaking but doesn’t think too much about it, only assuming that Jongdae’s too shy to talk about his artworks. It gives him an excuse to ask about Jongdae’s life and they change topics, exchanging anecdotes from their life like they’ve been friends forever. When Joonmyun looks out and notices that the sky is darkening, he glances discreetly at his watch, cringing when he realizes it’s almost time for him to go have dinner with his family and Taeyeon’s family. Jongdae stops talking and asks him, “Time for you to go?” And something about the question makes Joonmyun’s heart ache. He bites his lips and gives Jongdae an apologetic smile. “Yeah,” He pauses and takes a deep breath. “I have to eat dinner with my family.” Jongdae chuckles and tells him it’s alright. “It’s about time for me to go as well.” Joonmyun nods as he tries to rack his brains for something, anything, that will make Jongdae stay with him a little bit longer. It is with this determination that he blurts out the first thing that comes to mind. “Why don’t I take you home?” Joonmyun asks as Jongdae stands. Jongdae turns to him and eyes him questioningly before saying, “It’s okay, I just walked here. My studio isn’t too far from here.” Joonmyun mentally curses because he knows he’s going to push it until Jongdae says yes. He stands up and smiles confidently, grateful for all the practice he’s had with business meetings and social gatherings. “It’s alright. If it’s not too far then I’m sure my driver wouldn’t mind.” Joonmyun walks him out of the restaurant and Jongdae sighs before smiling. “Fine.” Jongdae shakes his head. “Somehow, I have this feeling that you just won’t take no for an answer.” Joonmyun laughs. “You’re not wrong.” ϟ ϟ ϟ ϟ ϟ After the run in at the restaurant, Joonmyun decides to try his luck at encountering Jongdae again by going to the cafe everyday at different intervals. It becomes a habit of his to go there first thing in the morning before he goes to work, buying an Americano to kickstart his day and eyes going around the cafe as quickly as possible to spot the dark wavy haired head of Jongdae’s. In the afternoon, around lunchtime, Joonmyun will buy some lunch and sometimes he stays until his lunch hour has long since ended. It is during the night that he experiments with the times he goes. Sometimes he goes for a quick visit before he goes home and sometimes it’s around one in the morning and he’s working overtime as usual. On the first week, Jongdae doesn’t come at all during the time he’s visited but Joonmyun doesn’t give up on the first week. By the second week, around the time that the baristas have gotten his usual orders memorized, he spots Jongdae sitting by the window, the same table they’d shared that first time. But he doesn’t get to approach him because he has a meeting in ten minutes. The third week rolls around and Joonmyun doesn’t give up hope, knowing that with just a little more perseverance, he will see Jongdae again. He laughs as he walks to the cafe, shaking his head as he realizes he’s acting out of character. He opens the door to the cafe, the barista greeting him as he rings up his usual order. “Joonmyun-ssi,” A familiar voice greets and Joonmyun looks behind to see Jongdae smiling up at him. Joonmyun’s heart starts running a marathon as he greets Jongdae and he knows his efforts weren’t futile in frequenting the cafe as much as possible. “Are you staying?” Jongdae asks as Joonmyun moves aside so Jongdae can make his order. “I don’t know,” Joonmyun begins smirking up at Jongdae. “Are you?” Jongdae laughs, the sound like a soft melody in Joonmyun’s ears. “I guess this means you are.” They take their trays to the same table by the window and Joonmyun’s heart calms down as they begin talking about anything and everything. It’s with a soft smile, as Jongdae talks about something he’d done in high school with excitement in his eyes, the thunder roaring in the sky and the soft melody playing in the background that Joonmyun thinks that he may be falling in love with the man. From then on, every time Joonmyun bumps into Jongdae at the cafe and he has the time, Joonmyun walks with Jongdae back to his studio. Jongdae never lets him in, masking his seriousness with a playful tone that his work isn’t ready for the eyes of other people. Joonmyun just laughs and is just grateful that he can have a little more of Jongdae’s time. Jongdae makes it up to him by inviting him to go to art galleries, messaging him times and places of different art events that always take Joonmyun’s breath away. And it becomes a regular thing for them, meeting each other in galleries and sharing comments about the artworks in display. At other times, they will share stories that artworks have reminded them. They quickly bond over their favorite artist’s works, this including Chen’s artworks, with Joonmyun always praising the Korean artist and Jongdae just laughing at his weird antics. “You’re acting like you have a crush on him,” Jongdae jokes as they view another one of Chen’s works. Joonmyun just shrugs. “I admire him, isn’t that the same?” Jongdae laughs, “You’re insufferable.” “I’m a businessman,” Joonmyun begins as he straightens his coat. “I kind of have to be.” “Have you ever met him?” Jongdae asks and Joonmyun shakes his head. “I don’t need to meet an artist to know and admire him.” Jongdae just shakes his head as he laughs, leading Joonmyun to a different artwork. Somewhere along the way, between their nth gallery, Joonmyun admits to Jongdae that he thinks Chen is now one of his favorite artists. “And you still haven’t met him?” Jongdae asks, teasing in his tone evident. “I told you,” Joonmyun starts as they sit in the back of Joonmyun’s car. “I don’t need to meet him to admire him.” “Whatever you say,” Jongdae says, his cheeks flushing the slightest. “Are you okay? You’re blushing.” Jongdae shrugs. “Too much wine.” Joonmyun smiles as he sidles close to Jongdae, their pinkies touching, “It’s a good thing I’m taking you home, then.” Jongdae laughs and Joonmyun takes the sound in, closing his eyes to feel it resonate in his ears. “Yes, it is,” Jongdae whispers as he leans his head on Joonmyun’s shoulder, eyes closing and face muscles relaxing. Joonmyun smiles down at Jongdae before sitting up straighter so his taller friend can be comfortable leaning on him. He can feel the warmth of Jongdae’s hand near his but he doesn’t make a move to hold it in his, content with the way they’re seated. “Good night,” Jongdae whispers as he opens the door. When the door closes, Joonmyun rolls down the window and calls for Jongdae, making the artist turn back. Joonmyun smiles as Jongdae walks forward. When they drop Jongdae off at his studio, the warmth that he leaves behind never leaves Joonmyun all through the night. ϟ ϟ ϟ ϟ ϟ Joonmyun knows he shouldn’t be asking Jongdae out to lunch when he’s seated with his fiancee’s family as they discuss their engagement party. But it doesn’t stop him from doing so, hiding the excited smile behind his hands as he goes back to paying attention to the matter at hand. “...then we’ll announce the engagement,” Joonmyun’s mother says and Taeyeon’s mother sighs dreamily at that. Joonmyun glances at Taeyeon beside him. Taeyeon gives him a smile; a knowing look in her eyes, as she secretly expresses that she’s not looking forward to the event at all. He can’t help but smile at that, nodding his head in agreement. “How about we continue this with lunch?” Taeyeon’s father asks just as Joonmyun’s phone vibrates. He views it and smiles apologetically at all the parents, shaking his head as they agree to eat lunch at a nearby restaurant. “I’m sorry,” Joonmyun begins as he fixes his things. “I have to meet a client for lunch today.” “Joonmyun,” His mother begins, her tone subtle with it’s threat. “If it’s for business, then let him go,” Taeyeon’s father interjects and Joonmyun thanks him. Before he goes, Taeyeon pulls him aside. She turns to their parents and when she confirms that they’re not paying anymore attention to them, she eyes Joonmyun from head to toe. She sighs and pats him on the shoulder. “Don’t get caught.” Joonmyun’s eyes widen and he swallows nervously at the advice, and watches Taeyeon walk away. His phone vibrates again and Joonmyun shakes his head, pushing his doubts and guilt aside. He takes his phone out and smiles at the message Jongdae’s sent him. Jongdae suggests that they meet at a restaurant some blocks away. Joonmyun wastes no time in replying that he’ll pick him up from his studio before he’s setting foot into the parking lot of his office building. He dismisses his driver and takes the keys of his car, happy to be driving on his own. Joonmyun rolls the window and greets Jongdae as he pulls up at his studio’s driveway. Jongdae laughs as he leans into the car’s window. “I didn’t know you could drive.” Joonmyun laughs and then he says, “Get in.” Jongdae sits on the passenger seat and it’s different from all those times they used to sit beside each other at the back. He turns to Jongdae, smiling at him and when he spots the smile on Jongdae’s face, his heart stirs. “Lead the way,” Joonmyun begins, hands resting on the wheel and eyes never leaving Jongdae’s. Joonmyun can’t count the number of times he’s ditched dinners and lunch with his family and Taeyeon’s to go out with Jongdae. Taeyeon probably could, with all the warnings she gives him and he doesn’t know what to feel about it exactly. Another sigh leaves his lips as he reads the message his mother has left him before he pockets his phone. There’s a comforting hand on top of his and Joonmyun sees Jongdae give him a worried look. “Everything alright?” Joonmyun relishes in the feeling of Jongdae’s hand on his before smiling and nodding. They don’t talk about it because Joonmyun can’t tell Jongdae the problem, that he’s getting married and he doesn’t want any part in it. Jongdae just smiles at him in understanding, taking his hand back to his side and Joonmyun frowns at the loss of contact. Regret and guilt settle at the pit of his stomach and the rest of their dinner goes by with small chatter in the otherwise suffocating ambience. When his parents give him a lecture about spending more time with his in-laws, Joonmyun decides to stop going out with Jongdae as frequently as he did. He opts for catching Jongdae whenever they’re at the cafe at the same time and then taking him home before he heads back to his own. Jongdae doesn’t say anything if he’s noticed that Joonmyun’s began spending less and less time with him. With the engagement party date coming close, Joonmyun reduces his cafe visit as well, opting to exchange text messages with Jongdae. It only ends up making him feel like the weight of the world is on his shoulders. Everytime Jongdae texts him about an art exhibit and he can’t help but decline the offer, the guilt and regret that he feels threatens to swallow him whole. But he can’t say yes because the party preparations is taking all of his time. Joonmyun cradles his head in his hands and sighs heavily. He doesn’t know what to do. He wants to see Jongdae so badly but he can’t leave, he can’t ditch his lunch date with his family and Taeyeon’s. “Sir,” The intercom buzzes. “It’s time for your lunch with Kim Global Inc. and your parents.” Joonmyuns rubs his face harshly and sighs. “I’ll be out in a minute. Tell my driver I’ll be waiting for him out front.” “Yes sir,” His secretary replies and Joonmyun cries out in frustration. Before he can think too much about it, Joonmyun whips out his phone and calls Jongdae. “Can I see you tonight?” He asks before Jongdae can even greet him properly. “O… kay,” Jongdae replies and he vaguely hears him laugh on the other end of the line before he’s thanking him and telling him he’ll drop by at a certain time. He doesn’t wait for Jongdae’s response before he ends the call. His phone vibrates as he tucks it into his pants pocket and when he reads the message, he feels a little bit of the weight on his shoulders lighten. Don’t hang up on me idiot. I’m going to smack you when I see you tonight. Joonmyun laughs as he exits the building of his office, feeling just a little bit ready to face his problems once more. When Joonmyun stops by Jongdae’s home after his lunch date with his future in-laws and his parents, he expects Jongdae to offer to take him out somewhere. He doesn’t expect Jongdae to invite him inside his home, but that’s what he gets and he exits his car and trails behind Jongdae as they enter his house. Joonmyun looks around the house and frowns when he doesn’t spot the endless rows of canvass he’d been expecting. Jongdae seems to notice the disappointment on his face and laughs. “My studio is over there.” Jongdae points outside behind him where the glass doors show a shed that seems large enough to be a studio. “Can I look?” Joonmyun asks with a hopeful smile and Jongdae shakes his head as he laughs at the way Joonmyun looks. . “Oh well,” Joonmyun says, not as disappointed as he felt the first time he’d been denied. “So,” Jongdae begins, facing away from him as he makes them something to drink. “Why did you want to see me?” Joonmyun takes a seat on one of the chairs by the counter and watches Jongdae’s back, watches the way the thin cloth on him hugs the curves on his back. He opens his mouth, the words ‘I missed you’ ready at his lips but he closes his mouth before he can utter them. There are a hundred more words like ‘I missed you’ ready at the tip of his tongue, ranging from ‘I wanted to see you’ to ‘I felt like I’d die if I had to go one more day without seeing you’ but he doesn’t say them. He swallows his own saliva and looks away from Jongdae’s back. “Nothing,” is all he says, clasping his fingers before him and resting his head on it. He can’t tell Jongdae any of those, not when he’s getting married and his engagement party is tomorrow. He shouldn’t even be here. “It doesn’t look like nothing to me.” Joonmyun hears the sound of porcelain clinking and the voice to be closer than he expected so he opens his eyes to see and meets eyes with Jongdae’s; Joonmyun’s breath gets caught in his throat. Their faces are so close and if he leans forward just a little, their lips will touch. Joonmyun gulps as it takes all of his will to lean back instead. Jongdae rests his arms on the counter and watches Joonmyun with a disappointed smile. Joonmyun turns his head away at the look, doesn’t want to think of what it could mean, doesn’t want to know, even. “I,” Joonmyun begins and he takes the coffee cup offered to him, downing the hot coffee, burning his tongue in the process. But it’s the kind of burn he can’t feel with the way his heart aches for something more than just this with Jongdae. He avoids Jongdae’s eyes and turns his gaze onto the black counter, admiring the granite as he says, “I just have a lot on my mind lately. Business deals to settle, you know.” “You’ll deal with it,” Jongdae says, tone so sure and confident that Joonmyun balks at his confidence. He looks up and finds Jongdae smiling at him, head resting on the palm of his hand. “You’re the insufferable, Kim Joonmyun, you’ll win them in the end.” Joonmyun laughs at the joke, finding some comfort in Jongdae’s words, even if only a little. A larger part of him feels confused because his engagement with Kim Taeyeon isn’t just a business deal he can win over without signing the rest of his life away. “Hey,” Jongdae calls out, tipping Joonmyun’s chin so they’re eye to eye. Joonmyun hadn’t even once realized he’d stop looking at Jongdae. “Stop thinking about it for the moment.” Joonmyun laughs at the pathetic suggestion but it’s not like Jongdae knows exactly what the details of this business deal are so he doesn’t patronize him for it. “Alright,” he says indulging him instead. “What am I supposed to think about, then?” Jongdae shrugs, his hold on Joonmyun’s chin loosening before his hand drops back onto the counter. “How about I tell you that Chen has another exhibit next week.” “Really?” Joonmyun asks, genuinely feeling the excitement bubble inside of him. “Yes.” Jongdae smiles. “And if your deal pushes through, I’ll take you to it.” Joonmyun almost cries at the invitation, knowing that if the ‘business deal’ does go through, his outings with Jongdae will have to stop. But Joonmyun just smiles at Jongdae sadly, hopes he doesn’t notice the cracks in it. “It’s a date," Joonmyun says, the words feeling heavy on his tongue. one / two